


No, I'm not jealous

by MarieMaknae23



Category: VIXX
Genre: Blowjobs, Explicit sex scenes, Jealousy, Love Triangles, M/M, Public Blow Jobs, Semi-Public Sex, Smut, Unrequited Love, bottom! Jung Taekwoon, small mention of WonTaek, top! cha hakyeon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-10-31 15:53:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 34,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10902573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarieMaknae23/pseuds/MarieMaknae23
Summary: No, Jung Taekwoon didn't care in the least tha Cha Hakyeon was in relationship, why did he have to care? They were just friends, very good friends.But if they were just friends...why did he felt the urge to punch his little boyfriend with a loud and annoying voice? Why he felt like something broke inside of him when he found them kissing passionately?He simply could not be in love with Cha Hakyeon.





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> Be ready to begin a rollercoaster of emotions, jealousy, confusing feelings and the best couple that could exist!

Cha Hakyeon never had come home late, yes…the different schedules from the others made him came in late and hour or two, but…three hours after his schedule was supposed to end?

Taekwoon had never cared so much for someone. Yes, he usually ensure that his members had taken all their food, that they were in good health, but, being awake at three in the morning in a day he didn’t had any schedule just because their leader, Hakyeon, wasn’t home yet?

He looked his cellphone for the eleventh time, were another minute passes without the leader coming home or even daring to send them a message assuring them he was okay, he sighed and threw the phone aside, stroking his long hair and leaned his head on the couch, hearing in the distance the sounds of his companions sleeping.

He suddenly stood up and looked out the window when he heard a car that approached the building, he hoped it was Hakyeon coming home at last and not another false alarm like the last five he had; from the point where the car parked his vision was limited, he just saw the front of a white car, which lasted about ten minutes parked in front of the building until finally Hakyeon got out of the car and with slow steps and still looking at the vehicle disappeared from his field of vision. Leo resisted the urge to take a photo of the plates and began to investigate it as if it were a criminal.

The dorm door opening made him leave his CSI like thoughts and he sat on the couch to not look as a stalker. He heard Hakyeon sigh at the entrance and the rustling of him taking off his shoes, so Leo assumed he wasn’t drunk, one less worry.

“Taekwoon-Ah? What are you doing up so late?” Leo was able to clearly distinguish the surprise in his voice as the oldest discovered him sitting on the couch, staring at the ceiling expectantly.

“I couldn’t sleep” he answered, standing up and putting his hands in his pockets “Where were you? It’s 3:30 in the morning.”

“I...ahm I was in the radio program” Hakyeon answered, straightening his bangs.

“That ends up at one in the morning” Taekwoon replied, keeping his poker face.

“Well...” he stuttered and began fidgeting his hands “I was waiting for the manager to pick me up and I just stayed chatting with the others at the radio, you know how long the manager takes to pick us up.”

“Yeah...I know” he sighed and stared at him “are you lying to me, Hakyeon?” It was obvious the manager hadn’t brought him home, that was no known car.

“Why are you so interested?” the eldest replied, starting to get defensive “I just came late and that’s it”

“But you have been coming home this late for three weeks now. You never end your schedule so late, I didn’t wanted to interfere, you must have your reasons but now I am worried someday I’m going to receive a message saying that you had a car crash and are upside down in some street or that you made a scene I don’t know where.”

“Look, Taekwoon…” he sighed and ran a hand through his hair, beginning to walk towards the bedroom “let me worry about that; I’m the leader after all.”

“And as a leader you should take into account the group's image!” Taekwoon did his best not to scream at the oldest.

“And why do you think I have to come home so late to preserve the group’s image?!” Hakyeon finally exploded and Leo felt a twinge of guilt when he saw how his lower lip trembled “you think that if I didn’t care then why would I be hiding?” Taekwoon didn’t understand what he meant and Hakyeon didn’t say anything else, he just went to the bedroom, closing the door with a loud ‘thud’. Leo sighed, leaning back in the couch, trying to get as comfortable as possible, he knew Hakyeon so well he was sure he had locked the door

X

X

X

“Hakyeon hyung, leave that cellphone alone!” suddenly Ken said in the middle of their breakfast, startling all “stop texting and eat, we have to leave in twenty minutes.”

It had been quite some time since that incident in the living room, of which neither of them had talked about it. Leo had decided to not wait in the living room, instead he just stayed up until the oldest return, almost as late as that night, and during the day it was rare to see him without his cellphone, he even got quite nervous if his phone disappeared for three seconds. That day wasn’t the exception; they were having a hurried breakfast as they had to go to practice and he hadn’t eaten much and as more focused in texting, giggling occasionally.

“Tell Minhyuk to stop telling you his disgraces” Ravi said.

“It’s not Minhyuk” N snapped, leaving the phone down and taking a few bites of his breakfast. Leo saw his slightly flushed cheeks, others would completely overlook that flush because of his skin color, but Leo knew him too well so he was able to recognize that tiny blush.

“Then who is it that is so important?” Hongbin asked then he opened his eyes “Your girlfriend?” everyone laughed, Hakyeon let out a nervous high-pitched laugh

“I…um” the leader began after a few minutes after all calmed down, he had been staring at his phone and constantly biting his lip “what would happen between us the day any of us starts a relationship?” the lazy talk among the members suddenly stopped after his words, Leo even dropped his chopsticks “I mean…I am…I”

“Hyung!” Hyuk shouted “Who? When? How? Why? Where?” he screamed, spitting rice all over the table and making Hakyeon blush profusely “Is she pretty?”

“Is she an Idol? Actress?” Hongbin continued and Leo stared at his leader, waiting for an answer “Soojin noona?!”

“No, no!” Hakyeon finally shouted, shaking his hands “Listen, guys, I really need you to listen, this is…serious, very serious, and I want to tell you because…so you can help me with everyone else, to sort things out" he bit his lips and his hands shook so much “Okay, I first have to start with…the beginning, and I know after this maybe your entire perception about me will change, so I want you to promise me that nothing will change, or you will not hate me or anything like that just because..." he took a deep breath “Just because…” he grimaced “Guys, I’m in a relationship, but it’s not any relationship”  Hakyeon stopped again, Leo bit the inside of his cheeks to not show any reaction when what he really wanted was to shake the oldest to get the slightest information; the other members had remained impassive and merely staring at their leader “this isn’t going to change anything, right?” he ask, still fidgeting his hands, his voice trembled at a lever they never had heard in him.

“So...” Ravi began, frowning “you are dating…” the words didn’t seem to come out of his mouth, but he was the first one that could unite all the gears.

“I’m dating Ryeowook Sunbaenim” Hakyeon blurted quickly, covering his face immediately.

The silence in the kitchen was more sepulchral than before, none of the members said anything as their minds processed all the information. Leo was aware that he was frowning and he could feel the fast beating of his heart against his chest, he took a deep breath, the words ‘I’m dating Ryeowook Sunbaenim’ repeated again and again in his mind. The fact that Cha Hakyeon was gay didn’t surprised him, somehow he and some fans and people around them were able to imagine his sexual orientation, it was that or that his friend just was very careful with his image, he was a little delicate, pretty egocentric and with some mannerisms…no, it was anything of that that made him feel upset, it was the fact that it was actually happening, Cha Hakyeon was really gay and he was dating someone

“Say something, please…” Hakyeon pleaded hoarsely and made him forget for a few seconds of his twisted thoughts “this is very important to me, and I want to know if I can count on you.”

“It’s just that it’s something…surprising” Hongbin said, smiling quickly “since when

“It all started the first time we had an interview for Kiss The Radio” Hakyeon answered, wiping the tears from his eyes “we exchanged numbers and…there was something special since we met, we hit it off right away, we’ve been talking about everything all days and we can talk about thousand things without getting bored and then…the attraction became clear, we began to flirt inadvertently. When we appeared in Running Man he asked me if I felt any attraction to him, and if so to give him a chance because he was truly interested in me and he says that there’s no one else like me” he let out a giggle and his eyes lit with a different brightness, Leo suppressed a snort he realized he had let out when Hyun gave him an inquiring look “Since February we have been in ‘some’ since it’s…well, this is more dangerous than a normal relationship…but three weeks ago I finally decided to make it formal and…well...here we are” he finished, shrugging.

“I think the most important thing here is…are you happy? Are you really happy?” Ken asked, who was the first one to smile genuinely

“But didn’t you liked someone else?” Hyuk asked, “what about…?”

“Han Sanghyuk” Hakyeon interrupted him, severely and the youngest just grimaced, eager to continue further “And yes…” the grim expression he had used to nag the maknae was replaced again with the same weak bright smile “this is a different kind of happiness, you know that person will accept you and love you with all your imperfections and quirks you may have, and above all he also understands what is to be an idol, what it’s like to be in the road of fame and…”

“We already do all that” the words blurted out of Leo’s mouth “I mean…I’m happy you’re happy with…with someone, Hakyeon” and without saying anything else he stood up and left the kitchen.


	2. II

Taekwoon POV

               I deleted the note that I had written for the fifth time. I knew what note was supposed to go in that space but I couldn’t concentrate at all. I huffed in frustration and leaned my head on the piano, the subunit’s album was going to be released soon and I was having the luxury of making mistakes when we were so short of time and all that just because my mind kept thinking about the event in the morning with Hakyeon and his…boyfriend.

                I refrained myself from rolling my eyes and sat up again, putting my fingers on the white keys and starting to play the melody that I was supposed to be composing. ‘ _I am dating…Ryeowook Sunbaenim’_ was repeated in my mind again and again, the more it appeared in my mind the harder y pressed the keys, there was some kind of bubbling in my stomach that I couldn’t identify, but it was getting really annoying.

“It’s not the piano fault, you know?” Ravi’s voice was heard from the door “what’s bothering you?”

“Nothing” I said dryly, removing the long hair from my forehead.

“Hyung, you always treat that piano like if it was your girlfriend…”

“'Don’t say that word” I interrupted him, leaning back into my chair again, wincing.

“Oh! Now it all makes sense...” Ravi sighed and pulled a chair to sit in front of me “are you upset by Hakyeon Hyung news?

“No, not at all” I said, shrugging” Well…I don’t know…I think so” I grimaced.

“I was surprised too, I admit it” nodding slightly and then let out a snort “And more because he’s dating Ryeowook Hyung, but…I suppose we all  knew somehow…especially because…well…” he scratched the back of his neck, nervously “well, I always thought Hakyeon Hyung had feelings for you.”

“No, nothing like that…” I replied, “we’re just friends, good friends, I think that’s why it hurts me because he couldn’t trust me” suddenly I found the right words “Because he even lied to me, what did he thought I was going to tell him? That he was going to hell for being in love? He always tells me everything…well, almost everything, what was the difference now?” I blurted out in one breath, raising my voice a bit “I...i think I have to continue with the song” I added, after realizing my sudden action and avoiding the inquiring look Rave gave me.

“Okay, but know we need to respect his decision and help him in any way we can” he said, and left after giving me a pat on the shoulder.

X

X

X

“Oh, Leo! Thank God you came! Come on, wash quickly, Ryeowook Hyung is coming to have dinner with us” Hakyeon attacked me as soon as I stepped into the dorm “and he should be here soon, so hurry.”

“Why did you invite him?” I asked quietly, raising an eyebrow. I was being dragged into an unusually clean dorm.

“Because yesterday I had dinner with some members of Super Junior, we want both groups to be totally agree with…well with our relationship.”

“And you don’t think it’s too soon? You have been dating for only three weeks!” I replied when he forced me to sit at the table.

“We have been dating longer than that, actually. It’s not like this is going to end soon, so…” oh no, not again, not the bubbling “Please, Leo, do this for me. You already know Ryeowook Hyung, it’s just…well, this is going to be just a normal dinner” then the doorbell rang and Hakyeon ran to open the door, with his cheeks deeply flushed.

The bubbling in my stomach became more intense, the others were moving around uncomfortable; I could hear Hakyeon’s cheerful voice and when I heard Ryeowook’s voice I heard a buzzing in my ears.

“Hello guys!” Did he always have such high-pitched voice? He looked somewhat pathetic standing next to Hakyeon and being a few centimeters shorter, I resisted the urge to stand up and stand next to him and intimidate him with my height, but no…that would be rude of me, very rude…but I could convince Hyuk to do it it would make a bigger impact and I wasn’t going to look bad and he was going to be ashamed.

“Taekwoon! Sit in the other chair, please” Uh oh; I think Hakyeon had been talking to me for a long time as his eyes looked like daggers that wanted to pierce me.

As I wasn’t paying too much attention I didn’t had time to create a witty response so I just moved to the chair next to me, so now I was sitting beside Ryeowook. The others seemed as uncomfortable as I was, we had seen him when we had the radio interviews and occasionally in the hallways of the television networks; but it was very different to be sitting in the same table with trays of chicken in front of us (his treat) and the two of them sitting together, holding hands below the table.

“Oh, Leo, Ravi! Hakyeonie told me you were going to be in a subunit together, I’m happy for you!” Hakyeonie? Did he just call him Hakyeonie? How ridiculous, he never had liked to be called like that, so why did he allow him?

“Leo?” his high-pitched voice pierced my eardrum. Shit, shit, shit, what did he asked me? All the members looked at me expectantly.

“What? Sorry, I’m so tired I guess I blacked out for a few seconds” I excused myself quickly.

“He asked if you were writing the lyrics and the music” Hakyeon said, gritting his teeth I just stared at Hakyeon’s eyes. Wait, Hakyeon’s eyes were so brown and bright…they have been always like that? “Taekwoon…”

“The music of what?” I asked again, still not getting it, I realized I was staring too deeply so I quickly looked away, feeling my cheeks burn.

“Yes! I'm writing some of the lyrics and Taekwoon Hyung is composing the music and we still don’t know which of his songs are going to be included” Ravi intervened, saving me again. I thanked him silently with my eyes.

“I understand, I understand” he nodded his head, staring me weirdly, and then the situation looked somewhat awkward “Wait, eat! Don’t be ashamed!” Ryeowook quickly said, composing a smile.

Unfortunately, you can win VIXX with food. I guess since some time ago the smell must have had them with their mouths watering; not every day we were able to eat chicken or junk food because or tendency to gain weight and our love for food. So when we had opportunities like this we couldn’t let them pass for any reason. They all ate very happily, all except me.

I was starving, yes; I had craving of chicken for a long time ago, yes; but for some strange reason when I took the first bite I knew something was wrong. It tasted and felt strange in my mouth, it was like I was chewing on a piece of carpet, so I could hardly finish a piece and after that I remained silent while the others ate and talked among themselves.

 It was as if everyone knew each other of life, they laughed and talked as if he wasn’t some stranger trying to get into our lives, as if they didn’t realized that Ryeowook constantly groped Hakyeon’s thigh under the table when he thought nobody was watching, they didn’t noticed too how Hakyeon leaned on the oldest shoulder, like he did it with me…or like he used to do with me.

I also must have realized that something was wrong when he stopped clinging into me and he just got away from me. I had been a fool for thinking that Hakyeon had finally learned to leave alone.

I didn’t knew why it bothered me so much, before the less he hugged me of followed me around the better, but just until that moment I realized how much I missed his hugs and efforts to make me talk and participate more eager in front of people and cameras. Now he didn’t seemed to care about that at all, he didn’t care that I hadn’t eaten, he didn’t care that nobody included me in the conversation and less…he didn’t made any efforts to include me into the conversation; now it seemed that all he cared about was letting Ryeowook grope him and giving him his full attention and smiles.

“Wait, Leo Hyung! Are you not going to eat anything?” Hongbin wondered when they paused to take a break between laughs.

“I can’t, I’m on a diet” I lied quickly.

“Diet? You don’t need any diet!” Ravi exclaimed.

“I need it for the new promotions” I said, standing up “I’m very tired, I’ll go to sleep now” and making a forced bow to Ryeowook I left the kitchen.

Sulking and not even changing my clothes or washing my face and teeth I just lied down in my covers, hearing in the distance the chatting and sudden burst of laugher. At least someone was having fun.

I sighed and lied on my back, finally having some peace to start thinking about that strange feeling I have never felt. Every time I thought in Hakyeon’s little new boyfriend I felt an inexplicable fury and the need to show Hakyeon that his place wasn’t by his side. But why? There was no need. The first conclusion I reached was that he was the first member to have an ‘official’ relationship; but then I started thinking about those time when Ken was still with his girlfriend, or when Hyuk was still in high school and had a crush on a girl, or when Ravi flirted with our makeup artist; on each occasion we all joined to give advice, our opinions in the problems they had and the occasional bullying. If I could do all that with the other members, what was the difference with Hakyeon? I had thought it was because he hadn’t had the confidence to tell me about it, but if it was like that why suddenly I had started to miss those moments when he clang into me? Why the thought of our time as best friends had ended crossed my mind?

“No” I said in a loud and firm voice “I was first, I know him from more time and I have been with him the longest” I said firmly to the darkness of the room. Even if I didn’t know what I was feeling or why I wouldn’t let Kim Ryeowook steal Cha Hakyeon from me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was easier for me to write in Taekwoon's POV. Oh Dear you are so bad with feelings, but we still love you that way, we still do.  
> By the way, it's not that I hate Ryeowook, I am ELF also, but...you know...we need to spice things up a bit.


	3. III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hakyeon doesn't sleep in his bed one night and it just makes Taekwoon confused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, before you start reading I want you guys to join me in a prayer this night/day/evening for all the victims of the bomb attacks in Manchester at Ariana Grande's concert. It doesn't matter if you are atheist, christian, catholic, muslim, believe in the spaghetti monster ball, whichever is you religion or beliefs, let's join for them.  
> It's really saddening that humanity is reaching unbelivable points of cruelty, why would someone wants to hurt innocent people? I would never understand that.   
> They were innocent people, young, old, they were daughters, sons, brothers, sisters, to someone and that someone just lost someone tonight. Let's also pray for them. I know it's hard for them to accept reality and cope, but I want to pray for them to be strong, to find justice, and most of all I want to pray for peace, peace for all people, no mattering age, gender, religion, sexual preferences or ethnicity, we all are human beings who share this planet.  
> What kind of world we are going to leave to our children? I lost again some faith in humanity but...I know, I certainly know there is good people out there, and I am so freaking sure we can out number bad guys. 
> 
> Now I let you guys read.

Hakyeon POV

I thought the happiest moment of my life was when VIXX won first place with Voodoo Doll, I thought I could never feel so much happiness in my whole life or that anything would compare to that feeling. That was until Kim Ryeowook kissed me and told me he loved me.

At an early age I knew I was different from others. As my high school classmates became interested in girls, boobs and pornography, I was more concerned about my dance classes and become famous. They had their first girlfriends and I was going to Japan to take more dance classes. That was when one of my colleagues declared his feelings for me and kissed me; until that point I realized that girls, boobs and vaginas weren’t for me.

Finding someone homosexual in the showbiz world is very easy, survive being homosexual in the showbiz world in Korea is not so. Having such a big secret and strive to hide it from many people and especially people as important as your peers. Several times I was about to tell my members about my sexual orientation, but the fear of ruining something much like the group or our friendship restrained me to do so. Then, when Ryeowook appeared in my life was life a life savior.

He knew how to deal with it and he even knew it for a longer time. He had already told his colleagues about his sexual orientation and it had been fine; he had already had dates in complete secret, but more than anything, he could understand all my suffering and frustration.  No one had ever listened to me so well…well…Leo was another point.

Yes, Jung Taekwoon had been my faithful companion, my life savior when my role as leader became too hard and he had always, always had been there for me anytime. I was proud to say that Leo could be himself with me. I knew his true smile, his true laugh, his normal voice, countless times we had been a handkerchief for our tears and a stepping stone to stand up again in our worst moments, he even was the first person I thought I could reveal my secret, or that had been until I started to develop strong feelings for him, that made me discard him completely. Simply, between the two of us nothing could happen, if I knew something was that Taekwoon wasn’t gay, he never would be gay, he was very firm and for certain actions I could realize that he was part of the Korean population that didn’t support homosexual relationships.

That had dropped like a bomb to me, now I just didn’t had to hide one thing, now I had to also hide my feelings, which was even more difficult. So when Ryeowook came and accepted he had feelings for me it was like an angel fallen from heaven, and more because he had waited for me long enough so I could clear my mind.

The original story was very different from what I had told them. Obviously I wasn’t going to tell everyone _‘hey, look I'm gay and I'm dating Ryeowook because I really like Leo, but I know that love may not be possible and I have to forget him somehow.’_

Yes, that was my plan first, hey, not every day someone was interested in me and much less, no one told me that they were interested in me. Ryeowook seemed to understand me fully, we talked every day, on any subject, I could release all my anger that the children had made me do or I could call him at two in the morning crying out of frustration and he was always there to calm me down. Without realizing it, Ryeowook was taking Leo’s place in a certain way and the best was that I could actually fall in love with Ryeowook, so little by little my heart began opening up to him, who never left my side and always took every opportunity to praise and tell me why I was the best person in the world for him. With something as simple and as complicated as that I could finally say that I was in love with him and that Leo was none other than my best friend.

X

X

X

“You really have to go now?” I asked, hugging him even stronger, I was happy that the dinner with my members had gone perfectly; well…I had the expected reactions, more or less.

Yes, I expected that everyone had different reactions, but in the end I hope everyone would accept it. And yes, I had also expected a different reaction from Leo, but I never imagined he could be so…annoyed.

“Yes, it's late,” he said, kissing the pout my lips had become “And also I don’t want to meddle in your dorm life, and I think it was strange for them to see me there.”

“But I want to keep kissing you” I whispered against his ear, laughing as a preteen. Ryeowook saw me for a moment and then laughed; giving me a slight bump on the forehead “I always say we don’t kiss enough.”

“We've lasted up to two hours in my car kissing, still you think it’s not enough” he asked, moving towards the door.

“No...Maybe...I want more” I confessed and bit my lip, we both blushed deeply.

“Are you sure?” He wondered, swallowing and looking at his watch, I just nodded feeling hotter than before “well…in that case we can…continue kissing in my apartment” immediately I felt my heart began to pound hard against my chest

“I think it’s perfect” I agreed, not wanting to think about anything else. I was twenty five years old and it was time to finally lose my V card and I knew if I think about it a little longer I was going to regret it.

X

X

X

Taekwoon POV

I opened my eyes and based on the light from the window I realized it was late. I sat without a hurry, suddenly feeling bad for my behavior from yesterday, yes, it could be that I had a strange feeling of anger, but Hakyeon was my best friend and so because of that I had to support him as much as I could without taking into account my feelings.

I left the bedroom ready to apologize to Hakyeon (all four beds were perfectly laid) and even I started thinking of a way to make up for my rudeness. I found all except Hakyeon gathered at the dinner table, talking quietly and somewhat worried.

“What happened?” I asked immediately, realizing that something wasn’t right “Where’s Hakyeon?”

“It's... what we want to know. He didn’t send you any message last night?” Ken asked and I frowned “Hakyeon went out at night and he didn’t return. We though he was downstairs saying goodbye to Ryeowook Hyung but…”

He didn’t had to say more, using my longs legs I ran to the bedroom and tame my cell phone, feeling relieved and more worried at the same time when I saw the single message he had sent me at one in the morning, what if he had asked for help and I hadn’t heard the text? What it that message was of life or death? Why God had to make me such a heavy sleeper!?

Ravi quietly entered the room as I read the message. A single ‘ _I’m at Ryeowook Hyung’s place. I’ll sleep here tonight, see you in the morning’_ had made my legs shake so much I had to lean against the wall. There was the same strange buzz in my ears from last night and my chest felt tight.

“What happened?” Ravi asked “You turned very pale…”

“He...” my voice was hoarse so I cleared my throat “He said he was going to sleep in…his house” I couldn’t get his name out of my mouth.

“Huh? Oh!” Ravi muttered, trying not to laugh “Well...I think I’ll tell the others that he’s okay” he said, still trying not to laugh and left the room

How could he laugh? Or rather, how did he do to laugh? I wanted to laugh too, I preferred to laugh instead of feeling how my eyes filled with tears and how they began to overflow, running down my face before I could do anything to stop them.

“Hyung?” Ravi's voice came back to the room, running towards me “What’s wrong?”

“That means that...he just slept with...him” I said softly and choppy, bowing my head so he wouldn’t see my tears.

“Well...yes, but hey! It was time for him to do it!” Ravi answered “Most of us had done it…even you had done it, Hyung! It’s something…normal”

“Yes, but...but...Hakyeon” I couldn’t find the right words and more tears began to well up in my eyes.

“Hyung!” Ravi was even more shocked “Why are you crying?”

“Argh...” I growled, covering my face with force “I don’t even understand”

“Hyung, are you jealous?” He asked and then reality came like a bucket of cold water.

“No, I’m not” I denied with a shaky voice. I couldn’t be.

“Hyung, do you see anyone else crying? Or perhaps, you see someone angry and disturbed by the news that they were dating?”

I dropped to the ground, burying my head in my hands, my head spinning around overflowed with thoughts.

Jealousy. In my life I had felt this kind of jealousy perhaps that was why I didn’t know how to identify the feelings I had had in the last days. A person may feel jealous of his best friend, but I was sure that people didn’t start to cry when they heard that his best friend had finally had sex with someone.  

I didn’t want to accept it. I was raised that I had almost tattooed in my bones that mend had to be with women and men with men were something aberrant and that just couldn’t be, but if someone close to me declared himself homosexual I was fine with it, as long as it didn’t affect me; so the news or realizing that I had feelings for a man, and not any man, my best friend hit me like a brick.  

“I can’t be” I said to Ravi “I can’t be now” I added and Ravi sighed.

“Situations like this happen almost all the time, you know? One does not realize the feelings they had until it’s too late” he said, sitting next to me “the difference is whether you’re going to ignore it or you’re going to fight for it.”

“Do you think Hakyeon changes is feelings now?” I inquired “I had never seen him so happy, I don’t want to take that away or break his happiness. I think people who are late have to wait.”

We heard the door open in the distance, my heart stirred painfully. Those who stayed in the kitchen burst into a congratulatory song between happy laughter and some scolding from Hakyeon, but in his voice I could tell he was smiling.  

“Are you not going to go with him?” Ravi asked, standing up.

“I don’t think I can face him in these moments” I said and stood up too

“It’ll be too obvious if you distance yourself from him”

“I need to practice how to act in front of him, I need to practice my white lies” Ravi only sighed and nodded, leaving me alone in the bedroom.  

Not knowing what to do to avoid Hakyeon I took my headphones and turned on music and lied on my bed, concentrating on the loud music to not hear the noises coming from the kitchen as the first thing Ravi had done was asking for details.

For me there was no better way to disconnect from the world than lying down somewhere with loud music blaring in my ears. There was nothing better to put away my unnecessary thoughts, I didn’t wanted to imagine Hakyeon enjoying the caresses of Ryeowook, I didn’t wanted to think about my newly discovered feelings, much less  I wanted to pay attention to the thoughts that were making me decide to take Hakyeon back.

Somebody removed my headphones and I opened my eyes, somewhat annoyed, hoping to see Hyuk staring at me with an evil grin.

“Are you feeling good, Taekwoon?” his dark and haggard face appeared in my field of vision “do you want me to call the manager to take you to the hospital?”

“I'm fine” I replied dryly, sitting up.

“What’s the matter with you?” He asked with the doubt and concern reflected in his voice. As always, worrying about others first rather than himself “You’ve been acting really weird, what is bothering you?”

“Nothing is bothering me, Hakyeon, stop making assumptions” I said, a little lower than planned and he lowered his gaze.

“I know you perfectly, Taekwoon” his voice shook a little “I know there is something bothering you and I’m worried it’s because of me”

 Yes. Obviously it’s because of you.

“Not everything in life revolves around you” I lied, biting my lip; I was talking loud and crueler than planned.

“You don’t have to talk to me like that” he replied, also increasing the harness in his voice “tell me honestly, you always talk to me with just the truth” he sniffed and sat in front of me to see my eyes, yes, he knew me so well he could recognize my lies just by looking me in the eye “Are you upset because I’m dating Ryeowook Hyung?”

Totally, I can’t stand it; I don’t want you to be with someone else. I want you only for myself.

“No. It doesn’t bother me that you’re with him, you can fuck and date anyone you like” I had never heard such a cruel and harsh voice in me. I stood up, hurt even by my own words and before Hakyeon knew I was lying I began to collect my things to leave the department for today.

“Then please, explain me why you’re acting like that” he said, somewhat exasperated “It had never cost me so much to figure out what’s wrong with you.”

“I just think you’re being very irresponsible to get into a relationship when we are not even a famous group! Since you got into this relationship you have completely neglected VIXX!” I exploded, squeezing the bag in my hands “He’s much older than you! He has more experience in this! He’s just…He’s only using you!”

“Using me?!” he screamed too “Older?!” he stood up and put his hands on his waist “Irresponsible? I am being irresponsible?! I! Who put you always first before me!? I that I had had many sleepless nights checking everything is perfect for us to climb to the top?!” He screamed with his eyes full of tears. I had crossed the line this time. “Do you know how hard it is being gay and having to hide it from anyone you love? You know how many times I swallowed my tears? You know how many times I had to pretend in front of you, in front of anyone?”  No, it hadn’t happened to me, but I was sure it was about to start “You don’t have any idea how much I’ve suffered, Taekwoon, I don’t deserve happiness? I don’t deserve to enjoy my youth? He loves me! He loves me and even accept the fact that I…!” he stopped in the middle of the sentence, opening his eyes wide.

“Well, then send VIXX to hell if it bothers you so much!” I was so angry and confused that I didn’t even knew what I was saying, much less I cared about the damage they could cause “go and sleep in his department all you want! It must be very great when you can have your own department, that’s why you liked him? Did he promise you all the luxury you want? Did he convince you because he’s one of the most important groups of the Hallyu Wave?”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” he cried, even louder and stomping the floor. I had never heard him scream so loud.

“If you do not understand, don’t ask” I replied, moving towards the door, but he blocked my way.

“I'm asking it so I could understand! Or do you want to leave it like this?” Tears spilled down by his dark fluffy cheeks and I resisted the urge to clasp him into my arms. I never liked him crying, for whatever the reason was.

“I already say you were free to go and do whatever the fuck you like! You’re the one who started to lie to begin things with” my voice was broken too “you love him? All right! It’s fine! Go and fuck him or let him fuck you the way you please and all you want! Just don’t come crying back to me when he breaks your heart and he leaves you for someone else!”

“Taekwoon!” he exclaimed. surprised, but there was no turning back, my words had come out like poison, they struck him like daggers, I could almost see how his heart broke into a thousand pieces “are you serious?” he didn’t scream this time, he didn’t looked angry, he just stopped blocking the door his shoulders shaken by sobs “I thought you were my friend, my best friend, I thought you would accept me as I am…”

“Well you thought wrong, Hakyeon” I said, opening the door, meeting all the members standing in the hallway, looking somewhat scared and surprised “I can’t be your friend as long as you’re with him” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this was kind of a stress relief in your life, reading and writing is always a good escape from my reality and...shit...really guys...my thesis is sucking my life, I really thank God that I this story is already finished but I miss writing and updating my other stories -cries in spanish-
> 
> I hate NEO fighting, like a lot, but it was fun to write! (so sadistic)  
> BTS WON THE BBMAs!!! (sorry multi-fandom person here) SO PROUD OF MAH BOYZ!!!!   
> Sistar is disbanding -cries again in spanish- the first girl group I actually liked (before they started twerking like crazy but still I like them) 
> 
> Don't forget to comment and subscribe!   
> I'm really thankful for those who already did!!  
> See you guys next time!


	4. IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this back when VIXX LR was promoting Beautiful Liar (never clarified that part)

It was a relief for me that the company had given us tight and apart schedules, so Hakyeon and I couldn’t be together a lot. Now it was Ravi and I who came home at three or four in the morning and leave at seven sharp, and the mini album wasn’t out yet; between recordings, films, costume fitting and photo shorts I didn’t have so much time to be with him and much less to apologize.

That day I knew how much damage my words caused, as long as I closed the dorm door behind me I had the urge to return immediately and admit that everything I said was because a fit of jealousy because I had just realized I was in love with him; but no...He had said something very important, he also deserved to be happy and I didn’t knew if I could make him happy, and I was quite sure that Ryeowook did and I couldn’t do anything about it.

X

X

X

“Let's go, Hyung” Ravi hurried me from the living room and I let out a sigh.

I had never been very fond of company parties, or friend reunions or whatever; the fact of having to go and be with people who expected me to talk and be social with them didn’t liked me so much.

I sighed again and I rolled up the sleeves of the dress shirt I had chosen for the occasion, I had, unwittingly, chosen more formal clothes.  I knew that all the group, the CEO, managers and others would be there. Any other time I would have settled for casual wear, but days before Hakyeon had asked permission to invite Ryeowook, so I guess that's why when dressing I had recalled that Hakyeon once told me I looked better with clothes a little tighter and pants that did wear my long legs.

“Let's go then” I sighed, leaving the room, tugging well the shirt into my dark skinny jeans that were somewhat ripped, Ravi looked at me for a few seconds and then he laughed “what? What’s going on?”

“Oh, Hyung...you are so… subtle” I only frowned “let’s go then, if you want to show off and impress the lovebirds it’s better to be there early.”

“So...do I look okay?” I asked, playing with the earring in my ear.

“Hyung, you just make doubt my sexuality, to that extent you look good” I suddenly felt very hot.

X

X

X

“Cheers! For VIXX LR!” The CEO said and all the attendees had to lift the cup and drink from that bitter liquid.

That was the fourth toast they had done, still in the waiting for midnight so the MV will be released. Any other time I would drink only a slight sip out of politeness, but as I was too nervous about the reactions of others to the MV and that Hakyeon didn’t stop turning toward the door waiting for Ryeowook made me drink glass after glass.

Music boomed loudly in my ears, the drinks were flowing and some of the guests disappeared to go to the dance floor, Ravi had left me to go dancing with the other members and I just stayed there, drinking beer without stopping, starting to feel increasingly dizzy.

“Hyung, chill with the alcohol” Ravi’s deep voice sounded in my ear and he took the glass away from my hand “its eleven thirty and you already look somewhat wasted.”

“I'm fine” I replied, but when I opened my mouth to speak I felt the numbness in my cheeks and mouth area “Oh well...no…I'm not fine” I added, laughing foolishly.

“Come on, let's dance, if you sweat you sober up a bit” he pulled my arm, almost dragging me out of the room to the dance floor where there was VIXX dancing to the rhythm of techno music.

“Taekwoon Hyung will dance with us!” Hyung shouted, starting to jump like crazy.

I found myself jumping to the beat of the music, dragged along by the tumult of five bodies moving wildly. I think in another time I had not been dancing with them as crazy as that…like…never but I guess that was the magic of a high level of alcohol in my blood.

I had always thought that Ravi danced well, he could compete very well to Hakyeon in terms of dance. Hakyeon had the sensuality and delicacy, as at that time, never forgetting his professionalism, he moved his arms and hands gracefully coordinating them with his hips, moving them provocatively; Ravi instead had fierceness and strength, with more aggressive movements... and at that time he danced very close to me, making me feel hot. Again, in any other situation I would have pushed him away, even I could have punched him, but unfortunately the alcohol made me not be me; I could feel Ravi dancing extremely close to my back, his hot breath hitting the back of my neck, I turned a bit to adjust my body to his firm body and I saw Hakyeon, he had stopped dancing and watched us with his mouth half open, in my subconscious I loved that reaction and made me keep rubbing myself –literally- all over Ravi.

“I'm thirsty!” I shouted to make myself heard above the music, waving my shirt to make me some air, releasing one of the upper buttons.

“Wow...we must get Taekwoon hyung drunk more often” I heard Hongbin and I grabbed him by the neck, dragging him along with me to bring drinks for everyone.

When we walked back with bottles of beer for everyone I felt my head spin more than before, stupid Ravi, he said that I was going to sober up with dancing and I felt worse…but I guess it also had to do with the glass of the beer and soju cocktail that I had drank in one shot.

I couldn’t help suppress a snort when we got back to where were dancing and I saw that Ryeowook finally had come and he was saying something to Hakyeon’s ear, which made him laugh like a school girl. I stood beside Ravi again, handling him a bottle of beer and taking a long sip of that bitter liquid that made my mouth feel even bitterer.

“Just keep acting the way you were doing it” Ravi said, approaching my ear and placing a hand on my back as if he was hugging me.

“What do you mean?”

“Hakyeon Hyung was dying of jealousy right now. Let me help you with this, for him to feel a little of what you're feeling.”

“'But it’s not helping at all! I don’t think he’s feeling jealous at all” I made a gesture that I guess it seemed more like a pout because Ravi ran his thumb over my lower limp “Stop that…it makes me blush” I giggled and punched him in the shoulder, stumbling in the process at my lack of balance.

“Wonshik, you better take Taekwoon back to the table and don’t allow him to drink anything else, he’s going to pass out right here” Hakyeon’s voice was heard behind Ravi and saw how he pulled him away from me, until then I noticed how close our noses were “come on, Taekwoon…” he took my hand and started to drag me.

“I'm fine, Hakyeon, let go of me” I grumbled, letting go of his grip “pay attention to your boyfriend” I pointed him out, the shorty had stayed a few steps apart “Weren’t you supposed to be hiding? Then, why did you bring him to a public place? The CEO is even here” I snorted “weren’t you being responsible?”

Hakyeon attempted answering me, he had frowned again and his nostrils widened, just like when he was angry; Ryeowook had approached him and had protectively placed a hand on his shoulder, but before they could both say something to me the huge screen of the club began to play the MV for “Beautiful Liar.” Hakyeon looked away from me reluctantly and fixed his eyes on the screen. Ravi came up to me and hugged me from behind, dropping exclamations of pleasure and laughing with the others at our work.

" _…I’m letting go of your hands, but my heart is still the same, I think it’s the best for you if I end it right here…”_ I began to sing softly, not looking at the screen where our beautiful work was being played, I was staring at Hakyeon’s beautiful jawline and his amazed face “ _This is a beautiful lie, my last lie, even if it hurts to death I am hiding myself under a mask for you. It’s alright if you leave me, I want you to be happy…”_

Nobody knew, even Ravi denied it, but I perfectly knew that Ravi had composed song somehow thinking of us, me and the big lie that I was telling him. Hakyeon didn’t knew and the sober me knew that I didn’t want him to knew, but the drunk me sang to him softly, maybe he didn’t realized but for my drunk self that was a way of confessing.

When the video ended everyone burst into applause, even Hakyeon seemed to have forgotten that he was angry at me because as soon as the video ended he turned over to me and hugged me very effusively, exclaiming cheerful things to Ravi, who suddenly hugged me from behind, crushing me between the two, suddenly all VIXX got together into a huge embrace. Hyuk, Hongbin and Ken had started to jump, becoming a total mess, mess that pushed me a lot against Hakyeon, I felt my cheeks burn, damn it, the good news were that there was alcohol in my system, if not, that blush would be very awkward.

“Ok, ok, calm down everyone!” Hakyeon shouted and the mess stopped, if I was feeling dizzy before now I could barely stand up straight. Okay, Taekwoon, you have exceeded now, time to sit down a bit. I tried to take a step, but as I felt my legs numb I saw how the ground was approaching to my face.

“Hyung!” Ravi laughed loudly, some hands pulled me by the arm.

“No more drinks for Taekwoon, please, who let him drink so much?” Hakyeon said by my side, he was the one helping me get up my ass from the floor.

“Let me go, Hakyeon, I'm fine, I can walk” I grumbled again, turning away from him and inhaling a lot of air I managed to get to the room where the others were.

I figured Hakyeon had stayed behind, he had to be crazy to get close to where the CEO was in the company of Ryeowook, so I didn’t have to worry about him checking on me. The tables were empty, most them had gone to the dance floor, something less to worry, I would have been so embarrassed if the managers would see me in that state, so, with no regrets I leaned my forehead on the table, which I regretted immediately as dizziness increased.

“Having a good time, Hyung?” Ravi slid beside me and patted my back “You need to drink some water or else you will die tomorrow because of the hangover” I heard the thud of a bottle of water being placed in the table.

“How come you are not…drunk?” I asked, in that room I could hear my own words and I realized how slurred they were.

“I am drunk, but not that drunk, I have a little more strength” he laughed and I forced myself to sit up and drank some water.

“Why love has to be so difficult and complicated for us?” Great, just what I needed, to be a philosophical drunkard. “Why we can’t just go and say ‘ _Hey you I like you, let’s do what couples are supposed to do_!’”

“We complicate things” Ravi shrugged and opened a bottle of soju, serving two glasses “we might make it as simple as that...” He paused to drink the soju and I imitated him, early in the evening the alcohol burned my throat and made me nauseous, by this time it passed as easily as if it were water “but we’re afraid, afraid that someone rejects us, I think it's a main reason why we don’t dare not declare our feelings.”

“But how are you going to found out if you have never said anything!” I cried and turned my face to him, not caring about our closeness “we get old, and days pass and you keep living in the question of whether that other person felt something for you or if it might feel something for you someday…but you'll never know because you didn’t had the guts to ask them or to confess your feelings”

“That’s why it's better to have the guts and prove it with words” He licked his lips, I could smell the alcohol on his breath and the faint scent of his cologne “or actions…”

His lips met mine awkwardly, I felt his warm, wet mouth against mine, his thin lips embracing and accommodating the thick mine, kissing them with a softness I never imagined in him; my arms were left hanging on the sides but one of Ravi's hands cupped my cheek. I knew I had to stop him, neither of us had any reason for us to be kissing and above all anyone could come at any moment and discover us; but my mind was thinking ‘ _Well, if you're already doing it...who cares?’_ so I returned clumsily returned his equally sloppy kisses, until the sound of a bottle crashing to the floor made us stop.

“Wonshik! Taekwoon!” Hakyeon shouted and rushed to the table, followed closely by Ryeowook who had the surprise marked in his face, however Hakyeon seemed more angry than surprised “What do you think you're doing ?!”

“What? Wasn’t it obvious?”  Ravi asked in turn, shamelessly, discreetly wiping the corner of his mouth.

“But you can’t…!”

“Ah!” it was my turn to speak “You can do it and not us?” I added, rising an eyebrow “it now bothers you to see me? You didn’t had the guts to tell me in the first place” Uh oh, word vomit, Ravi covered my mouth with one hand immediately.

“I did not tell you what, exactly” Hakyeon asked, his voice as cold as ice and making a big wrinkle in his brow.

“Nothing, he didn’t mean anything” Ravi said, struggling to keep his hand in my mouth, but I removed his hand as if it was nothing.

“Why you never told me that you liked me, huh?” I continued with my verbiage and Hakyeon and Ryeowook looked at me, stunned “Why did you have to wait to be with someone like him so I could realize?”

“Taekwoon...” Hakyeon's voice trembled, but I could not distinguish the reason.

“Come on, Hyung, it’s enough” Ravi took me by the arm and started dragging me outside “You need fresh air...now is not the time to discuss such things and less on the state you are”

I stumbled all the way to the balcony Ravi took me, there wasn’t many people there and the air had a light coat of cigarette smoke. We headed to the protective railing and I leaned into it, letting the breeze tousle my hair. We were on the second floor and when I looked down all became dangerously blurred, so I dropped my self in one of the chairs around.

“I don’t want you to think that kiss meant something, Hyung” Ravi finally said after a long silence “I was just…curious to know how your lips were, how they tasted” he smirked “I was curious since the photo shoot for the album jacket, I thought you had nice plump lips…like a girl “he laughed and I just blinked in response “I’m not gay” he added, more serious “I will never be…nothing is more beautiful than a girl with pale skin and perfect round boobs in a bikini” his comment made me laugh, shaking my head.

“No, I'm not gay either” I said at last, Ravi waved his hand signaling the building behind us and I knew what he meant. “I mean, I think I’m more like…Hakyeonsexual or Nsexual or something like that” Ravi burst into laughter and I imitated him, feeling a slight pressure on my lower abdomen, shit, I had to pee soon.

“Speaking of being gay or not...two girls have been watching us since we got here, Do you think we should...?” He asked, staring at a point behind my head, leaning completely on the chair and adopting a macho pose.

“You have fun, I have to pee” I stood up, that feeling of dizziness and numbness was beginning to satiate me.

“Can you fend for yourself?” he asked me and I just waved my hand, starting with my dangerous walking.

X

X

X

I was so urged to use the bathroom that a loud groan came out of my throat as my bladder was emptied, I grip the side walls of the stall to avoid not fall (as well behaved idol I had to use the stalls to prevent some indiscreet photos) I was very miraculous that the bathroom was empty. As I arranged my clothes I heard someone enter the bathroom, someone who had a runny nose and inhaled deep breaths incessantly. I heard a sob and immediately knew it was Hakyeon, was he perhaps crying?

I opened the stall door with a little more force than planned so it crashed, making a loud noise, Hakyeon jumped and turned away so I  wouldn’t see his face riddled with tears, but through the mirror I could see him rubbing his face again and again. Who had make him cry? Who was the one I had to beat up?

“What happened, Hakyeon?” I asked, unable to contain myself again, he shook his head so I just wash my hands, breaking the silence with running water.

“You're a fool, Taekwoon” he said when I had dried my hand he had turned towards me and looked at me with swollen eyes.

“Why are you crying, Hakyeon?” I asked again, approaching him, carefully, he sighed again and his brown eyes filled with tears.

“Ryeowook Hyung and I had a fought” I said with a broken voice I had to restrain myself to not start jumping with joy “He was pretty mad at me...for...for what you said.”

“I just told the truth” I said, shrugging “Am I lying?”

“Why are you doing this to me?!” he exclaimed, his voice echoing in every corner of the bathroom “I have always said I am the only one who can understand you and now...now I don’t understand you in the least, I'm dying to know what goes through your head, why are you acting like that? Why are you angry with me? Why you scream at me for no reason?” he paused and sniffled “why…why if you hate all kinds of physical contact with another man you were kissing Ravi? Why did you say that to me?” He covered his face with frustration “Why are you so hard to understand?” It was now or never.

“Hakyeon...shut up.”

And went for his lips, holding his face in my hands, I heard a sound of surprise and he made and attempt to retire, but I wasn’t going to let him go so easily. Ravi was right, sometimes the facts were better than words, words could be lies or not so sincere, but something as explicit as the hot kiss I was trying to get couldn’t lie, those were real feelings, if the fast beating of my heart wasn’t real... then I didn’t know what the truth was.

I pressed my body against him, pushing him against the sinks, ignoring his cry of pain or protest, who knows, he had his arms glued to my chest, his fingers clutching my shirt and he had still his lips tightly, so my awkward kiss was even more awkward. I stopped grabbing his cheeks, my hands ventured into his body, one of them clutching the back of his neck and the other slid to the very end of his back, the tip of my tongue touched his lower lip, I ventured to open eyes a little, he had his tightly clenched and I could see some tears in them. I was about to give up and stop throwing myself at him when, very slowly, he began to answer my kiss, slowly moving his lips against mine, he stopped clutching my shirt and he started to encircle my neck with his arms, pulling me closer to him as the kiss was becoming euphoric, hot and needy.

I had never had a kiss like that kiss, no one had ever kissed me with so much need, with so much hunger as how mouths devoured each other, taking turns to suck and bite, our tongues meeting with such frivolity that we were moaning in the other's mouth, with goose bumps all over our body and desire pulsating in our lower abdomen.

I separated three seconds for air, staring into his eyes I could see a mixture of confusion, lust and fear, the rational thing was to stop there, we were in public after all, but when I turned my gaze down I stumbled upon his neck, pulsating with the fast beat of his heart and my mouth decided to attack there, the situation becoming more lustful. Hakyeon left my neck and his hands hurriedly ran the extension of my torso, reaching the limit of my pants and started pulling my shirt to untuck it. Even if my dizziness had already shrunk considerably, my hands were not as agile as his, so I just had been content to hold on to his firm ass, massaging it in my hands, pushing him to my member who hardened to every touch and kiss.

“Oh...Taekwoon...” He moaned when my left hand went to his crotch, unzipping the tense button of his skinny jeans, which let me see to perfection his erection “What are we doing?” he gasped, unbuttoning my belt.

“You like more how I touch you?” I groaned against his mouth, starting to introduce my hand inside his tight pants, feeling his pubic hair rub my fingers and my penis pulsated with more desire “tell me I’m better than him…”

“Taekwoon...” He seemed unable to think of anything, he threw his head back and I lasciviously licked his neck, struggling to lower their pants to have better access to his manhood, once achieved my action I surrounded his width with my hand, pumping erratically, but he seemed to be  delighted  due to the huge moan that reverberated in the bathroom tiles.

“Answer me...” I insisted, returning to kiss his lips, pumping his thick cock more furiously than before, Hakyeon breathed heavily, mixing his panting and moaning, my hips moved rhythmically against his, giving a little friction to my own erection.

“N-no...” he stammered, eyes clenched tightly. He was trying to resist, so I had to change strategy.

“What if I do this?” I said softly as I dropped to my knees in front of his erection. I had only seen it once and that's just with only girl I had had a sexual encounter in my life, I remembered how good it felt and thought I should also show it to Hakyeon.

“Oh God, Taekwoon...no.”

“Just shut up” and without hesitation I began to suck the tip of his swollen big cock. His reaction was instantaneous, He had to grab to the sinks to keep his balance, I could even see and feel the trembling of his legs and he could barely contain the moans, he whispered something under his breath but could not tell what it was, I was very busy sucking increasingly large portions of the long length of his penis, swirling my tongue on the tip or what could it fit in my mouth. “What are you saying, Hakyeon?” I gasped for air “Am I doing a better job?” What was my desire to keep asking these things? I did not knew it so I sucked harder on his dripping tip.

“Yes! Yes, oh my God I love it, Taekwoon!” He moaned more eager, burying his hand in my hair, his penis gave a peculiar spasm and I felt the bitter taste of that liquid shooting into my mouth.

It had taken me completely by surprise, I immediately separated, spitting on the floor all the semen that had fallen into my mouth, coughing and feeling, unfortunately, a huge nausea that began to rise in my throat. Great, I had not vomited all night and until then my body said it was time to eliminate all possible alcohol.

Hakyeon had frozen almost completely, he leaned on the sink, taking deep breaths. Slowly I stood up, placing my hands in the white marble and dropping my head down, also breathing deeply trying to ignore that nagging feeling. None of us said anything for a few minutes, Hakyeon had pulled up his pants and cleaned up the mess I had made on the floor, I wanted to say something, but I knew if I opened my mouth I would start to vomit, so it was better to avoid it, besides, I didn’t exactly what to say at a time like that.

“That…” he began with a hoarse voice but he stopped.

“I can’t hold back any longer, Hakyeon, I...” I said at last, Hakyeon looked at me with curiosity and anxiety, our eyes met, I wanted to tell him everything I felt for him in that look but instead of that the vomit rose up my throat and I ended up puking in the sink. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who want more WonTaek, I wrote an alternative scenario after the kiss, I might publish it later.  
> And Taekwoon has a thing for leaving a hard impression on people.  
> Take his advice, never drink that much and expect declaring your love to somone, your stomach might be up against you.   
> Thanks for reading!   
> Let me know what you think ;)


	5. V

Hakyeon POV

                When I started to suffer because of Taekwoon I never thought he would gave me so many headaches. First I had thought he hated me and screamed at me because I was out of the closet and he was totally against homosexuals, or that was until I saw him rubbing himself against Ravi. When I saw him moving so provocatively against the rapper I realized he was not very sober; then he started to complain and scream at me once again, the last time she had screamed he had made me cry, he had insulted me and had made me believe that our friendship was over, but Ryeowook had talked to me and he was right, I couldn’t let him get me down because of his harsh words. I was very happy in my relationship so when he started making scathing comments I decided to ignore it and pretend nothing happened.

                Then a bucket of cold water dropped on me, ice water along with the bucket. Ryeowook and I wanted to be alone; he could tell I was still upset so he wanted to embrace me in his arms until I forget about the world. Great was my surprise when I entered the private room, thinking it would be empty, and meet Leo and Ravi trying to suck their life and studying the anatomy of his mouths.

                I could not help feeling angry, He who never wanted any kind of physical contact kissing with a guy like it was the most normal thing in the world? I tried, or rather, demanded an explanation. If I had seen Ken and Ravi; or Hongbin and Ken; or any other member I would have reacted very differently, but not with Leo. It couldn’t be possible that he was with someone, not when I felt something for him for so long. But that's when Leo dropped the bucket that I hit me hard.

                “Why you never told me you liked me, huh?” Damn, who had told him? How he had discovered? “Why did you have to wait to be with someone like him so I could realize?”

                I was stunned; I didn’t even know what to say. Ravi had taken him away almost dragging him, I was aware of my face in shock and I was shaking, I was afraid to turn to see Ryeowook, I felt his eyes on my back, waiting response or reaction.

“You liked him?” he asked, breaking the silence as if his words were a knife.

“N-no” I stammered, formulating a forced smile.

“Don’t lie to me” His voice was angry and hurt, I could finally turn to look at his face “You once told me that you had an unrequited love and that you had suffered a lot, was it Leo? I don’t want you to like to me, Hakyeon, please. We said that we would never lie to each other.”

“Yes, it was him” I finally sighed and saw his expression change radically “But that is over, I swear, it stayed just like a one sided love.  I understood that nothing else could happen between us, him with a man…

“Then I guess I hope returned to you now that you saw him making out with Ravi” he replied, sarcastically, I hurried to shake my head “You keep worrying about him.”

“Yes, because he’s my best friend” I tried to approach him to take his hand, but he pulled away from me with a slap. He seemed to be thinking about something, I prayed to heaven that he wasn’t arming the same theory I was “And he’s not just my best friend, I'm his leader, it’s my duty.”

 " _Why did you have to wait to be with someone like him so I could realize?’”_ He quoted his words “Well, now it’s awkward” He laughed suddenly, with a loud and forced laugh “Now he likes you. Now I think I can understand all his strange attitude, his anger with you and why he came to make out with Ravi. He’s trying to make you jealous.”

“Please Ryeowook ...”

“'The question here is...are you going to reciprocate his feeling?” he interrupted me “he’s your greatest love, your crush…”

“Ryeowook...no” I tried to reply firmly but my voice trembled “Do I have to remind you who I chose? With whom am I risking so much?” I wanted to hug him again, but he rejected me as well. Gradually I felt the tears I had tried to keep away with all my effort began to build up in my eyes.

“And couldn’t it be that you are dating me to forget him or something like that?” His voice was hard. The people I never thought could speak to me in such a cruel way have done it like if their words were slaps.

“Why did you come to think that?” Tears flowed down my cheeks already.

“Because I've seen it so many times! Do you have any idea how many there are like us in this medium? I saw Heechul flirt with Siwon to get the attention of Hankyung; I saw Donghae flirting with Junsu so Eunhyuk would have to guts to say how he felt about him.” He had begun to walk back and forth “I know many cases like these, Hakyeon, and you know what? You disgust me if you're doing it!” and then left the room angrily.

I just stood there, unable to think or reason anything, I felt like if they had put my brain into a blender and liquefied it until it wouldn’t let me think clearly. I had lost all mental functions, except to cry and sob like a five year old child.

“Hyung!” Hyuk, Ken and Hongbin had quickly entered the room as if they had been outside the door “What happened?” the three had gathered around me, comforting me and saying words of support or something, I could not hear very well, I felt like I was under water and it didn’t let me listen to the sounds around me.

Hongbin had hugged me, but that hug wasn’t the same. Hongbin had too much height and he lacked thinness, his hair didn’t smell the same and the way his hands caressed my back was not the same...or was that he lacked height and musculature? The safety of his hands patting me firmly but softly? Did I needed that that hug was given by Leo or Ryeowook?

“Let's go home, this is not funny anymore” Ken said and I began to wipe the tears “I'll call Manager Hyung to pick us up” I only nodded, it made no sense to continue in that place. I wanted to curve into a ball in my bed and cry until my ideas returned to normal.

“I'll go to the bathroom, look for Leo and Ravi” even if he was the trigger of all this I couldn’t stop worrying about him.

The heavens seemed to listen to my prayers when I found the empty bathroom. I leaned on the sink, inhaling large amounts of air to control myself, I didn’t want to Leo and Ravi see me like that and think it was because of them…even if it was true I didn’t wanted them to realize, I had enough with me.

My heart sunk to my stomach when I saw Leo came out of a stall. I turned quickly, wiping my face. He looked just as drunk as before, with his dark hair disheveled, his eyes seemed lost and the impeccability of his clothes had already been lost, but still looked damn hot.

I knew that nothing good could come of that, I didn’t wanted to talk to him, even though I knew the whole truth would come out of his mouth, but I never thought he was going to kiss and much less that I was to answer that kiss.

His kisses were clumsy and uncoordinated, but still, his lips felt like I imagined: hot, maybe a little wetter and he lashed his tongue in my mouth uncontrollably, but somehow it felt perfect, almost like in all my dreams.

At first I had resisted, but I knew that an opportunity like that was not going to repeat, even perhaps that was what I needed to close my cycle with him, so I replied with all the passion I had kept inside. I couldn’t help but moan against his mouth, his big manly hands roamed my body, igniting every cell of my body. His touch was firm, secure, the way his body was molded to mine was perfect...I loved absolutely everything; he made me hard, I was burning with desire.

At certain time he began to ask me the differences between him and, indeed, the difference was quite clear. In Ryeowook there was never such passion. Our first time wasn’t like I had expected, yes, it had been great with no doubt, but he had worried too much about me, he touched me like if I was going to break at any moment; I had resigned myself to be the bottom hoping he would make me touch the sky (besides he was the oldest and the one with more experience but to be honest, I had just caressed the sky with the tip of my fingers. But bad sex was still sex and I was able to say I wasn’t a virgin anymore, I repeated it again and again in my mind  after each session of unpleasant sex, Ryeowook told me that sex was not essential in a relationship to show love and I believed him.

I could see the total difference when Taekwoon dropped to his knees and began to give me the best oral sex of my twenty five years. He had completely clouded mind with pleasure, emotions and the slight amount of alcohol in my system, so I couldn’t think rationally, I hadn’t even deigned to remember that we were in a public toilet in a very busy place, much less remembered it would be impolite or nasty to end in his mouth. Like that thought never crossed my mind I finished violently into his mouth, it was so sudden and so strong that I didn’t have the time to pull away. I felt like my whole body was a pudding and a panting mess because of the torrent of emotions that had just passed through each cell.

Now with my cock empty my mind clarified came a thousand of thoughts that rushed through my brain and caused me a strange tinnitus as I was cleaning the mix of my semen and his saliva when he spat all in the floor.

“Oh...Taekwoon” I moaned after finally finished cleaning and accommodated my clothes “What have we done?”

“I cannot hold back any longer, Hakyeon” he said and my heart galloped wildly in my chest. It was now a little cleared than before, but did I really wanted to hear? I still wanted to hear it despite my feelings for Ryeowook? How I was going to solve that or how our relationship was going to be after that?

Questions crowded into my mind and my eyes met his for a few microseconds, I stopped breathing with the fear of knowing what he was going to say, he opened his mouth to answer and...

BLERGH

What a way to ruin the moment.

Leo puked noisily into the sink, I should have guessed something like that was going to happen; he had too much alcohol in his system and in a person so weak to alcohol that was the least that could be expected. But I wished that he would have taken two more minutes to start trying to detoxify his body through the stomach regurgitation. I wanted to laugh, but for solidarity and as a good friend, I patted his back to comfort him while he was still coughing and vomiting. My cell phone rang and I hurried to answer seeing that it was Hongbin.

“Hyung, we're all at the entrance, just that we can’t find Taekwoon Hyung…”

“He's with me” I said, opening the faucet to not leave an unpleasant gift to the cleaning personnel “Taekwoon throwing up his brains out, I will need help to take him away from here…and maybe a plastic bag” Taekwoon helped so they could understand the seriousness of the matter when he puked again, loudly and splashing.

“Is he really throwing up? Ugh...Ravi is on his way” the bean replied and Taekwoon stand up, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

“I'm sorry” he said quietly “I didn’t…” he gagged again, but this time he restrained himself.

“Shh...Don’t talk” I grabbed a bunch of toilet paper and handed it to him “You do know how to impress people, you know?” I said, wanting to ease the awkward situation.

“My eyes are closing, Hakyeon” he said somewhat sleepy and leaned on my shoulder, almost knocking me under his weight.

“No...No...Taekwoon, wait…wake up” I called him, struggling to hold him and don’t let him hit the floor.

“You always smelled so good...” he muttered against my earlobe and gave me tickles “It makes me want to fuck you…”

“Wow...Why does he seem drunker than before?” Ravi entered, saving me from being alone with him and his thoughts of fucking him.

“He was okay when…he was fine and then he just…puked” I said quickly, praying to heaven so Taekwoon wouldn’t say anything “Yah! Stand up straight, you’re heavy!” I scolded him in hopes he would stand up as he totally collapsed against me. 

“Come on, Hyung, time to go home” Ravi passed one of his arms around his shoulders to get him away from me; Leo let him drag him away, ducking his head and dragging his feet. I had to put aside the twinge I had felt in my stomach. Oh yeah...they had kissed a few minutes ago.

I walked quickly behind them, praying that there wasn’t any paparazzi out there, I didn’t wanted to imagine the articles on the next day about some idol they had to take out of a club dragged. Fortunately, there were only people dancing and it must be very common for them that people should be taken away in the arms of the others.

 When I reached the safety of the van everyone else was already there and Ravi struggled to get Leo inside, he seemed like a small child. If sober Leo had a lot of involuntary aegyo, drunk had a 200% increase.  

“There it is, Hakyeon Hyung is here, now get in the van” Ravi looked somewhat exasperated but also trying to contain his laughter, the others laughed also silently. Taekwoon smiled foolishly and hugged him.

“You're such a good friend, Wonshikkie” he purred, stroking the entire back of the younger.

“Ok, that’s it, Taekwoon, enough” I cut him, pulling him away from Ravi “Get in the van.”

“I wanted to sit next to you, Hakyeon” He made a cute pout and I had to fight the urge to pinch his cheeks and also punch him. So I just rolled my eyes and climbed into the backseat, sitting by his side “Oh ... I'm very dizzy.”

“Yah! Jung Taekwoon don’t you dare to…!” Manager Hyung shouted from the pilot seat and I had barely time to put the plastic bag in front of him before he started to throw up again.

 I sighed; he had grabbed the bag in his hands, so I just patted him back and caressed the long strands of hair that fell on his face, trying to remove them out of the way. I felt my cellphone vibrating in my pocket but I didn’t want to pay attention to it, I knew it was Ryeowook and I wasn’t ready to face him again. Yes, I loved him so much and his ‘ _You disgust me’_ tightened the knot in my throat, but otherwise I had to demand an explanation from Taekwoon, I had to know what he was so eager to tell me, but judging by his hot kisses and spectacular oral sex I kind of knew to where it was all about.

The question was that I didn’t know if I wanted to hear it or not.

X

X

X

Taekwoon POV

“Hyung, we have to record, you have to wake up now” Ravi's voice sounded far away. No, I didn’t want to wake up yet. I felt as someone has passed over me at least ten times with a truck.

 Why does my body hurt so much? As I was leaving my slumber more things hurt. It seemed like someone had use my head to hammer something and my mouth tasted funny. Why…? Oh, right, the party.

Fuck. The party. Hakyeon.

 I opened my eyes and blinding sunlight was streaming in through the windows, with narrowed eyes I stood up as my mind recalled the load of bullshit I had done last night.

All sheets were empty and neatly folded; they should have been gone for several hours. I untangled my own sheets and left the room, I was afraid, in a way, to meet with all the members. I had acted stupidly, I had danced very close to Ravi, and I had even kissed him! And I didn’t even wanted to recall Hakyeon, I almost had eaten him with my kisses, I had sucked his life of using his cock and then I had become a living machine of puke. Great night, Taekwoon, what a night.

I ran into Ravi in the kitchen, he still had is platinum hair wet from a recent shower, he stirred something in the stove and on the table lied a glass of water and a bottle of aspirins.

“Is your throat okay? Do you think you can handle the 4th octaves?” he wondered as he was aware of my presence, he emptied the contents of the pan in a plate in from of me. It was hangover soup or something like that “Hakyeon left this for you, he cooked it.”

“My head only hurts” my voice was so hoarse.

“So…?” Ravi watched me as I started eating, I look up from my plate frowning “You lasted so long in the bathroom and you were alone with Hakyeon Hyung.

“Nothing happened” I answered hurriedly but my blush betrayed me.

“Was there some hot kisses? I think Hakyeon had his lips a little bit bruised” he continued and my cheeks got redder “Oh my God! You did kissed him! Did he answered back? What did he say? Why did he do it?” I looked away, wanting to hide under the table “He did answered! –he seemed like he was about to get on the table and start to jump.

“I only found out something last night” I suddenly got goose bumps when I remembered his low moans and his face marked with pleasure that my touch caused him “Hakyeon still has feeling for me”

“I would say that too if he answered your kisses and didn’t slap the shit out of you” Ravi answered, laughing out loud “Then…?”

“I still think I can’t do anything drastic, but I will make everything in my power so Hakyeon return to me and leave that shorty.

X

X

X

                In past days I couldn’t talk to Hakyeon because of our busy schedules, now it was obvious that he was avoiding me at all costs. In front of the other members he was the same as always, as if nothing had happened between us, but he avoided my eyes and he always made sure he didn’t stay alone with me.

I knew he had reconciled with Ryeowook almost the day after that damned party. I had a big surprise and anger when I went to the bathroom at two am and he was in the middle of a full make-out session on top of Ryeowook in the living room. I had rolled my eyes and returned to the room, later I heard some soft moans that belonged to Hakyeon and my pride rose up a bit, those moans were nothing like the ones I had gave him, in some ways those were kind of fake. So with my ego on top I would have to decide on a specific day to take more drastic measures.

Finally my chance seemed to have come. That day VIXX LR had recording until the afternoon, Hakyeon had the day off and others had their activities early. I knew well that Ravi was going to sleep like a corpse until very late, leaving me practically alone with Hakyeon, it was now or never.

I woke up reasonably early, Hakyeon still huddled in his blankets across the room, breathing rhythmically, fast asleep. I stood up immediately and went to the kitchen, planning to lure him with food. I had almost began to cook when I finally heard him roaming around here and there in the bedroom.

“Why are you cooking so suddenly?” he asked, finally entering the kitchen.

“We've been so busy that we haven’t eaten decently for a long time” I said, moving the contents of the pan “Sit down.”

“I have to…” he began to excuse himself, I turned to him and glared so he sat almost immediately without saying another word.

We ate in silence, speaking languidly about our schedules, presentations and other trivial things. My stomach was in knots because of nerves. Although I had the speech and everything planned in my mind, it was beginning to fade, I was beginning to regret having eaten much.

“I'll wash the dishes, thanks for the food, Taekwoon” he said and I returned to earth immediately. He had begun to stand up so I took his hand to stop him.

“No, Hakyeon wait...we need to talk” I said, staring into his brown eyes, I saw how he slowly gulped “We have to talk.”

“Taekwoon…don’t.” He said, shaking his head, letting go of my grip “Let’s not do this.”

“I need to do this” I said, never breaking eye contact. “Hakyeon, what happened at the party shouldn’t have happened that way” we both flushed deeply.

“You were drunk, Taekwoon, you even kissed Ravi. It could have been me or Hyuk…there’s no…”

“No, it should have been you. You still don’t understand why I got so angry when I found out you were dating Ryeowook? Why if I had never shown any kind of physical contact with a man I began dancing that way with Ravi? Why did I kissed you? Why did I suck you off without hesitation or without being asked?” I asked and he lowered his gaze “Hakyeon, I may not be the most subtle person, but you don’t seem to get it. Hakyeon I…”

“No” he interrupted me, standing up suddenly “don’t say it, I don’t want to hear it, I don’t need to hear it” his hands had begun to tremble.

“I like you, Hakyeon” I blurted anyways, he sighed and closed his eyes “No, I don’t like you…I’m in love with you.”

“Oh, Taekwoon” he sighed again, rubbing his eyes with one hand “You know how many times I dreamed you would say that? Thousands of times, thousands of tears spilled for you, but...I’m sorry. I no longer...I no longer can. You can’t come now and tell me you like me and expect everything is going to be fine. Now I'm with Ryeowook, my heart belongs to him. I wanted to wait for you, I suffered in silence most of the time we’ve known each other, this isn’t possible anymore” the tears run down his cheeks “I’m sorry but Ryeowook and I…”

“Bullshit” now it was my turn to interrupt him, going around the table to approach him and wipe the tears from her cheeks with my thumbs “if you loved Ryeowook as much as you say, or if you heart was 100% of him you wouldn’t have answered that kiss, you wouldn’t even had let me touch you in the ways I did” he tried say something but I put a finger on his lips “To put it more simply you wouldn’t even be crying right now.”

“Ryeowook came first” he managed to remove my finger and I shook my head vigorously.

“Ryeowook came into your life recently. I have been on it for more than five years, do you think he know you as well as I do?” I pulled his arms and hugged him tightly, I felt him tense at the sudden grip.

“No, Taekwoon” Hakyeon repeated wearily, pushing me away “I’m sorry, but no. things are different now, I don’t know why you still have the guts to tell me until now…”

“Because I just realized it's more than just friendship” I interrupted again.

“I don’t care!” he snapped. He lowered his head a few seconds to control himself.

“Then tell to my face that you don’t have feelings for me anymore” I said, holding his hand so he wouldn’t run away.

“Taekwoon...” he whimpered my name between his lips.

“Please” I had never begged for anything, much less I have heard so much sorrow in my voice. I raised his face, taking him by the chin, our faces approached like magnets, our breaths mingled, I was so eager to kiss his lips again, without nothing to meddle in between so we could express our feelings openly, I was so close to him…

Ding dong

The doorbell made us separate with a jump. Hakyeon wiped his face and gave me a look I could not decipher, he looked hurt in some way.

I wanted to go to the door and punch in the face whoever it had deigned to arrive at this very inopportune time.

“I have to go, it’s…Ryeowook” he admitted quietly, and sniffling went to open the door.

It stand still in the kitchen, I heard them talk in low voice in the living room; after sighing I began to clean the kitchen, no matter how angry I was with the little guy, my parents had taught me not to eavesdrop.

I was washing the dishes and listened how Hakyeon entered the bathroom to take a quick shower. I figured the little guy had stayed in the living room, so I just kept scrubbing dirty plates and thinking in going back to bed to sleep a little bit more.

“We need to talk” his high pitched voice sounded so suddenly in the kitchen that made me jump with surprise.

“Speak?” I asked, trying to keep my composure and ignoring my scared heart “About what?”

“About Hakyeon” I turned toward him, wiping the soap off my hands “Look, I’ve always liked you, I think you sing great and all that, but there is something that is bothering me a lot. When Hakyeon and I started to date I thought you were upset because of your…homophobia” I raised my eyebrows at his comment “Then I saw you snogging with Ravi and you screamed all those things to Hakyeon and I got it” he paused in hopes I would answer, but I didn’t even flinch “I know you feel something for Hakyeon. I don’t know if you have…tried something with him, I really hope not” you don’t have to worry a lot, I just sucked him dry and I left him hoarse with all the moans that came out of his throat “I know you have make him cry and at some point he also had feelings for you…”

“What are you trying to say with all this?” I crossed my arms, standing up as straight as I could to make my higher stature stand out.

“Stay away from him” he said, trying to sound confident.

“I can’t do that” I answered.

“I don’t mean literally, you don’t have to leave the group and all that” he said and I snorted “but…well, you know what I mean. Leave him alone. He’s with me, he chose me above you.

“I told you I can’t do that” I repeated “Yes, I understand Hakyeon is with you and I know he chose you, but he still didn’t know how I felt about him.

“Ah...and he does now?” He asked, his voice tried to sound secure but his eyes briefly show the fear my words caused him.

“Yes” I said firmly.

“Forget him...”

“Why don’t we let him decide?” I interrupted, “I'm going to…interfere in your relationship. Let’s say I’ll make a clean game, but Hakyeon is going to get back to me. Maybe you have been there for him in things he still couldn’t trust me, but there is no one that knows him as well as I do. I have been in so many moments and I still will be by his side when you get tired of him and you dump him, he have supported each other in countless times and you like it or not I lasted longer in his heart. So, I’m almost sure Hakyeon will get back to me…no, I’m lying…what I’m trying to say is“ I stared at him “Hakyeon is going to get back to me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yup...Taekwoon really knows how to make an impression!  
> Fight for Hakyeon!! You know he loves you!  
> Thanks for reading! :D


	6. VI

I really wanted to stand head over heels because of the shitloads of work that followed in the next days, and I swear I didn’t turn into a monkey just for mere miracle. As soon as VIXX LR activities ended we had to go to Japan. After Japan we came back to Korea to work on our new album and Hakyeon to film his drama, not to mention the presentations we had here and there. All we wanted to do was lay in bed all day like sloths, trying to rest our bodies, our souls and our voices.

My relationship with Hakyeon had drastic changes in recent months. First we had been thick as thieves, then we didn’t talk to each other at all, after that there was some kind of avoidance of him and finally we started a very polite relationship.

Hakyeon obviously hadn’t found out about the conversation I had with his boyfriend in the kitchen, I had kept my word to not do something drastic, like forcing him into physical contact or saying directly to him to leave Ryeowook and be happy with me forever and ever. I had just returned to be the same support that I was before, Hakyeon restrained me a bit, as was obvious, but I didn’t step back at any moment. I knew that relationship was going to go down the drain because of the lack of time to go out on dates or see each other and that sort of thing. Occasionally I saw, with some delight, the look of rage and anger he had while tapping insistently on his cellphone, those moments were the ones I took the opportunity to talk to him about any subject, suggest ideas for the comeback or simply offering food, sweets, water or a drink, leaving him each time with a grimace of bewilderment and confusion.

My plan was working apparently, but it didn’t seem to be moving very fast. I could wait for them to break up, but I didn’t know how long it was going to take and even if wanted or not my heart still hurt and jealousy will burn inside of me whenever they seem to have a happy moment.

Ravi had become my greatest confidant and, according to him, what Hakyeon needed to open his eyes was such a drastic action like that stolen kiss in the bathroom of the bar (of course I didn’t told him about my…oral skills) and in a way he was right, Hakyeon had it been willing to reciprocate my kisses that night and the next morning he had almost succumbed to me and we almost kissed again. My problem was that my poor experience with dating, flirting and drastic things was coming to an end and I didn’t know what to do anymore.

X

X

X

We had come home after practice relatively early (midnight), all sweaty, hungry and tired. A communal groan was heard when we set foot in the dorm and saw the mess the place was. It didn’t look like six or seven men where living there, it looked more like a tornado had gone through there. More

There were clothes everywhere, in the kitchen there was a huge pile of dirty dishes, empty packages of delivery that were already beginning to stink, the bathroom was not much better than the rest of the house and the rooms were a jumble of blankets, clothing and accessories we left everywhere as we slumped into the bedroom. Sighing left our stuff again anywhere, and we looked at each other, hoping no one said what we knew we had to do.

“If we don’t clean up now it will be harder to do it later” Hakyeon finally said with a heavy sigh and running a hand through his hair “I do the laundry, it’s what is the most; Hongbin and Hyuk divide the rooms between the two of you and clean the floors; Leo and Ravi, do that mountain of dishes and Ken, take out all the garbage and put away things in general” we all nodded, containing the yawn that threatened to escape  “We should cook something to frozen it and had something to eat for the next week” he added, facing the stove where there was a pan with remains of the breakfast of this morning, or was it from yesterday?

“'There is nothing in the refrigerator” Ravi commented after opening the fridge door and noting the solitude of refrigerator “I'll go buy groceries”

Hakyeon agreed and the others began moving to start with the designated activities. As I was feeling an urgent biological need since early in the afternoon and at that time it was becoming almost unbearable I decided to go to the bathroom first and then devote to then face the battle with the dirty dishes that was waiting for me, we haven’t even washed dishes from two weeks how the hell did we survive without them? Easy, we didn’t even eat there.

When I left the bathroom a few minutes later everything was unusually quiet, the reason was simply that Ken, Hongbin and Hyuk had fallen asleep on the couch in the living room. Hyuk and Hongbin with a rag in their hands and Ken wearing rubber gloves; I smiled waved my hand to Hakyeon who was passing to the laundry room with a pile of clothes in his arms, when he saw the sleeping children he smiled with paternity and shook his head.

“Guys, go to sleep, I’ll clean” he patted the sleeping members with one of his feet, the boys just nodded and almost in zombie state stood up, muttered something that sounded like a “thank you” and shuffled into the room. “You too, Taekwoon, go to sleep, you have horrible dark circles” he observed and wrinkled his nose.

“I'm not that tired” I lied, supporting the leader in everything that was needed was part of my plan “I’ll do the dishes and then I’ll go to sleep; Wonshik is already in the grocery store?” I asked, picking up the gloves Ken had left on the couch before leaving, Hakyeon just nodded walking away and leaving behind him a trail of underwear and socks that escaped from his arms

I stared at the mountain of dirty dishware with an apprehensive gesture, wondering where the hell I should start. I sighed again and started putting some order, throwing in the trash the leftover food packaging. Hakyeon dealt diligently of the laundry, separating the clothes by color and loading the washer with water.

“Taekwoon, I didn’t pick up the clothes from your bedroom” He said to me, giving a nice overview of his butt as he was bent picking up the clothes from the bin. Since the VIXX LR activities we had decided that Ravi and I should use the small room as Hyuk strongly complained that I stepped on him whenever entering or leaving the bedroom and bothered his thirty extra minutes of sleep. “Could you bring it? Please, even that you’re wearing right now, it’s so sweaty and stinky” he wrinkled his nose in his particular gesture and I could just nod, my mind finally seemed to be generating a sense of  a drastic action. I think my brain has the best ideas when it’s not 100% in its normal state.

I ran into the room, clutching the pile of dirty clothes we had in the corner and went back again almost running, I leave the pile of clothes on the floor, next to Hakyeon who was busy throwing the clothes in the washer and unwinding garments that the members left as if they were snakes.

“Thanks, Taekwoon” he said without turning to, I held my breath and took of the tank top I had worn that day “Is it a…? Taekwoon!” he exclaimed when he turned to be, at that time I had my pants halfway my buttocks in my attempt of taking them off. To my delight I saw how his cheeks flushed “W-what...?

“'You told me to give you this clothes…you said they were dirty” I shrugged my shoulders as if it were the most innocent thing in the world and when he turned again I finished taking my pants off, stumbling a bit but thankfully he didn’t saw that.

He did not turned back at me again, however, he began to put the clothes in the washer more quicker and clumsy than before, it seemed that he was flustered or maybe he was just afraid that I was going to take off my briefs, it did not seem bad idea but couldn’t risk having Ravi or any of the others poking their heads into that room that was so exposed. I took the clothes that had just taken off and I approached him from behind, throwing the clothes in the washer, pressing my body against his, locking him with my arms as all of that was unintentional.

As our skins brushed (or rather my naked skin brushed against his clothes) I felt how his whole body tensed and he began to tremble, the hair on his neck stood up when my breath clashed against his most sensitive part.

“Taekwoon...” he sighed, clinging tightly to the edge of the washer, so hard his knuckles turned white. I inspired a lot of air, sniffing the smell of the skin on his neck, he smelled of sweat mixed with his shampoo and that simple smell ignited my body as if someone had activated a switch “what are you doing?”

“Doing the laundry” I answered in all the innocence I could manage “you are doing it wrong” Obviously I couldn’t be so blunt to say _oh don’t worry, I just want to rub myself a little against you so I could create some sexual tension between us”_

I went a little father to reach the detergent and in doing so, I pressed harder against his body; Hakyeon had lowered his head but when he felt my closeness he cocked his head a little to the right, exposing the soft skin of his long and hot neck, increasing my desire to start kissing and licking that tempting area, increasing my desire to leave quite visible marks throughout his skin to claim him as mine.

Unfortunately I couldn’t do that, not yet, I could feel Hakyeon trembling with desire, but I knew once I did something heavier I would win a beautiful slap and he’d end up hating me, he would pull me away and that was the last thing I wanted. I only limited myself to keep sniffing his neck, pressing my body against his, my lips barely touching his dark skin, listening to his erratic breathing and realizing that mine had also become irregular, I was aware that the erection that was forming and that it was starting to press against Hakyeon’s firm butt.

Hakyeon struggled to finally turn, facing me, he looked at me for three seconds with his bright eyes and, without me expecting it, he hugged me surrounding my back with his arms, squeezing me tightly, his lips caressing somehow the bare skin of my chest and after a few seconds I realized that the strange feeling in my stomach wasn’t my own erection, but his and it seemed to be growing more and more, if possible; He moved his body to fit better into my arms and in doing so caused an accidental friction of our crotches that made us let out a soft moan.

Some kind of purring started at the bottom of my throat and I began searching for his lips, if he was acting like that it meant I could do something a little more dangerously. Hakyeon finally raised his face, my heart fluttered and pounded against his chest when our breaths collided, our noses touched and I tilt my head to accommodate myself to his face, one of my hands grabbed his chin, pulling him closer to me to finally meet his lips, euphoria running all over my body.

But our mouths had barely touched when the front door opened and we were both static for a moment, staring wordlessly, still millimeters away of each other's body. The look of Hakyeon suddenly changed, it stopped shinning with that desire that my simple touch had caused, that glow was replaced with panic and frustration; I was sure that his mind was clear now and his was regretting his actions.  

With a heavy sigh I separated from him, and after I assured that my erection was tuck in the waistband of my underwear I ran to the bathroom before Ravi finished entering the dorm, but still giving me the luxury of glare at him, who was in the lobby with just a shopping bag. I went to the bathroom and slammed the door and turned on the cold water almost immediately, thinking steam was going to come out of my hot skin at the contact with the icy water. I took off my briefs, looking at my erection that was still erect painfully between my legs, pulsating with the desire of release.

That was about the tenth erection that was thanks to Hakyeon, the one from the bar and this was more painful that the others, but none of them had been solved, or rather, there wasn’t a happy ending, because I could solve these problems with cold showers and even had caused me a mild cold by the frequency of them. I knew I needed to empty myself before anything more embarrassing happened. The bullying after a wet dream was unbearable because of how heavy it could become between us and I knew I wouldn’t be the exception, in fact, it could create more curiosity as I had never had a wet dream in the time we were together.

 I got into the shower, letting the water fall on my body. With another sigh I took my manhood in my hands, starting to move my hand up and down, trying to not pay attention to how pathetic I was after wanting to cause sexual tension in the most sexual being in the world and had to be giving me some self-pleasure after not attaining my goal.

 My hand moved furiously, thinking on ending quickly rather than worrying about the pleasure of it, it was better finish before Hakyeon would kick me out of the shower and discovered my impure acts. I tried to focus my mind on the blowjob I had given to Hakyeon several weeks ago, as that was the major cause of my spontaneous erections. The memory of his face filled with the pleasure my mouth caused him, I trembled as the sound of his moans echoed in my ears, they were still as present as the first day; the taste and feel of his thick cock in my mouth made my own cock twitch with painful pleasure.

I bit my lip to stifle the groan that wanted to go out because of all the effort that my left hand was doing, I supported my weight with the opposite hand on the wall, finally feeling like I was close. With a final squeeze at the tip I felt like the orgasm started to ride up slowly, contracting my muscles to finally explode, at such strong feeling a moan came out of my lips, mixed with Hakyeon’s name and my body lost his force momentarily.

Once all the bliss of the orgasm disappeared the guilt and shame assaulted me, so I let the water wash down all the evidence of my crime and I finished showering quickly before Hakyeon decided to start banging on the door because I took more than 10 minutes to shower.

I left the bathroom drying my hair with towel, I couldn’t find Hakyeon in the kitchen or the living room and I could hear the sound of the washer doing its job alone. I peered quickly into the room where he slept and only saw three lumps snoring loudly; frowning I went into my room, where Ravi was already on his bed, watching something on his cellphone, he casted me a glance and a grin formed on his lips.

“I interrupted something important, right?” he asked, still typing.

“What do you think?” I asked irritably, also taking my phone out of my bag, seeing the large number of messages that had come to me at the time.

“ I say I did. I mean, if I come back and you walk into the living room in your underwear and trying to hide and erection and if after that I go to the kitchen and I found Hakyeon hyung all flushed up and trying to fix his own erection inside those skinny and tight jeans he likes…yes I could say I did interrupted something very important…and dirty. Sorry, Hyung” he raised a hand, laughing deeply “I promise to send messages from now on to see if it is safe to come home.”

“Where is he?” I asked.

“I don’t know. He went out very fast when he heard the first moan that came out of the bathroom. You need to be more careful with that, you know? I was totally aware that you were masturbating and so does Hakyeon Hyung…I wonder if he got scared…” He shrugged, still smiling as naughty boy and I throw him a pillow, shaking my head.

_Where are you?_ I sent him a private message, settling down under the covers.

**_Walking. I needed some air._** He replied after a moment

_You want to talk? Should I walk with you? I’m sorry, I’m really sorry…I didn’t wanted to be so drastic._

  _Y **ou perfectly know that you wanted to do it; otherwise you wouldn’t have appeared in front of me like that.**_

**_I don’t know what are you pretending, but please stop it. I thought you’d already understood and have forgotten about me._ **

**_Please ignore I acted that way. And I don’t want it to happen again, please…_ **

_OK, I can do that. But I want to ask you something, why you acted like that Hakyeon? You don’t want me to act that way again because you’re afraid you’re going to succumb now? It would not happen again, I promise._

And as there was no reply I covered myself in the covers and fall asleep almost instantly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the waiting! We have 3 more chapters left!!!  
> I would totally be seducted by Taekwoon if he decides to approach me like that in the laundry room >.< I mean...who wouldn't...  
> Thanks for reading, your kudos and the comments! Ilove reading your comments! (as in always you are about to rayarme la madre because of the time I take and the situations I write in here XD LOL)  
> Love you!


	7. VII

“OK! Stop! Boys!” the choreographer cried and I had the sudden urge to lie down and die from the heart attack I was about to have because of the strenuous exercise “rest ten minutes, you are not reasoning at all. Yah, Cha Hakyeon, you’re supposed to be the lead dancer, do you want me to remove you from the front? Should I put Hyuk so you can’t be seen?” he pointed a finger to our sweaty leader. 

“No” Hakyeon panted, wiping the sweat streaming down his forehead “I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.”

“I hope so” the choreographer growled and after the scolding ended I lied down on the wooden floor, feeling how the sweat began running down in streams “Jung Taekwoon, don’t get yourself so comfortable, let’s rehearsal your solo.” 

“But the showcase is in three weeks!” It escaped from my lips, looking up in surprise.

“But it's good to start working on it” the choreographer said going up the stereo “according to the CEO you have the passion but lack feelings. I mean, you wrote it, what were you thinking at that time?”

I winced, taking the microphone he held me out I had written _Words to say_ without thinking I something or anything specific, how the hell was I supposed to…? My eyes met Hakyeon, who was leaning against a wall, wiping the sweat from his face

“Okay, I think I got it” I nodded, breathing deeply and trying that my gaze at Hakyeon wasn’t too intense.

“Now, when you dance I need you to imagine that this person is here in front of you. You want to say something but can’t and this is your last chance before she leaves” if the choreographer noticed that my gaze was directed to Hakyeon he decided to ignore it, he pressed the play button and the sad piano music filled the room.

_Today, I have something to tell you_

_Something I couldn’t tell you before._

_I was happy even though I didn’t smile much_

_It was at least a precious memory for me_

 

The voice came from my throat softly, accompanied by the soft notes my own fingers have composed.

_In case you grew far away, in case you disappeared_

_I pretended not to see and closed my eyes_

_You were in love with someone else_

_But I just wanted you to be by my side._

 

My body began to move with that dance choreographer had put me. The movements were soft, sensual ‘as if you were making love to someone imaginary’ he had said. Only it was not imaginary then, but it was standing behind me, his arms folded, staring at the floor.

_Day by day, you grew farther away_

_Then you let but still I have things to say_

_So I’m hotly calling out to you_

_You were more beautiful than anyone else_

_It hurts that I can’t even hold you in my arms._

 

_I’ll be okay, I’ll grow indifferent_

_It’ll just pass_

_It’s alright, because I love u more_

_I knew from the beginning that it wasn’t me._

_Look at me_

_Even sleeping and breathing is hard._

 

_I won’t ask anymore_

_I won’t hope anymore_

_Thank you_

_I won’t forget anything_

 

_I’ll try getting over you day by day_

_It’s obvious, it’ll hurt_

_But still, thank you_

_I’m waving goodbye to you_

_Let’s not cry again, let’s not hold onto each other_

_The more I tell myself that_

_It hurts, it hurts._

 

From the first chorus I put my gaze in the reflection of Hakyeon through the mirror. When my voice reach the necessary emotion Hakyeon had looked up and stared at me back, so technically I was singing with all my feelings, dancing with all my sensuality as possible and all of that as I struck up eye contact with him.

The last note came with some trepidation; the room was in total silence, broken only by the sound of my hard breathing because of the physical activity and intensity of the notes.

“Very well, well done, Taekwoon, perfect” the choreographer finally said “You just need to have the same inspiration on that day…” he glanced towards the area where Hakyeon was “Wonshik, you’re next.”

I bowed in gratitude and passed the microphone to Ravi, standing next to Hakyeon who was biting his lips and was staring at the ground again, he shifted uncomfortably when I stand next to him and gave me a look that I could understand for many things but at the same time it didn’t meant anything.

The practice continued without further incident, everybody practiced their solo and thankfully after that the choreographer let us go early. Hakyeon had gone to the bathroom before you the practice ended so I gathered his things meanwhile the others got out, agreeing to have dinner somewhere nearby.

My shirt was soaked through with sweat, and it would not be nice to have dinner with sweat marks under my armpits, back and chest so I took of my shirt and looked for a clean shirt in my backpack, listening Hakyeon return from the bathroom.

“They said to meet at the restaurant of last time” I said, watching my reflection in the large mirror. I had exercised a lot or the comeback (in part because I had discovered that it diminished my sinful thoughts and my sexual appetite) “will you go?” I turned towards him, finding a quite interesting picture of him; he stared at me with his mouth slightly open and his cheeks flushed, water droplets were still streaming down his ae as if he had wet his face to cool off “Hakyeon?”

“You had fun?” he asked, ignoring my question “did you have fun provoking me? I thought it wasn’t going to happen again, you promised it wouldn’t happen again.”

“I'm sorry. I didn’t do it with that intention; the song doesn’t even speak of…something connected to us. I’m just…saying goodbye” I apologized, playing with the shirt that I had in my hands.

“Goodbye?” he repeated, raising an eyebrow and coming closer to me “I don’t know what you were trying to provoke” he shook his head and clenched his fist, he seemed to be holding back something “but you know what’s worse? You did it.”

I didn’t have time to reason his words. My brain still didn’t process that information when his frail figure was against my bod and his delicate lips kissed me with that totally sane kiss I had imagined so many times.

My body took several seconds to react. Was he really doing it? Those lips that were pressed against mine, was really his lips? The hands that run down my torso, the tongue that wanted to get into my mouth; the erection that I felt against mine…everything, absolutely everything was of Cha Hakyeon. It was the smell of his shampoo it was the smell of his sweat, the taste of his lips was almost the same as I remembered, I knew it was him for the way my arms surrounded his body.

I hugged him tightly, devouring his mouth as if that moment were to end suddenly, Hakyeon sighed against my lips, digging his nails in the muscles of my back, biting and tugging my lip, making me groan in pain. His hands ended up scratching my back and squeezed my but, causing my body to contort with such caress.

“Hakyeon…wait...” I gasped, pulling away from his lips for a few seconds, ignoring the trickle of saliva that was between our mouths.

“Wasn’t this what you wanted?” his voice was dangerously low, his eyes flashed a lust that I had never seen in him. “you don’t want to fuck me?” he took one of my hands and put it on one of his buttocks. God, that was the best buttock my hand ever touched, it was better than a girls butt.

“But...Hakyeon...”

“Shut up” he spat at me and threw me on the couch we had in the room.  

He straddled me, returning to kiss and suck my lips, sticking his tongue almost to the back of my throat. It seemed it was so much his desire that his actions were clumsy and uncoordinated, he seemed to be downloading all his emotions at one time an there crowded and struggled to get out all at once.

I tried to take control of the situation, hugging him by the waist and starting to kiss him in a needy way but with lest force, he moaned against my mouth and his hips began to sway in some way that made our erections rub together. He puts his hands inside my sweatpants, pumping my erection and tearing such moan that I didn’t think it came out of my mouth, Hakyeon took that moment to go for my sensitive neck, sucking had the skin on my collarbones.

He knelt on the floor, while pumping my manhood, I wanted and at the same time not to realize the action I knew it was about to happen but before I could say something to stop him or incite him he began sucking the tip of my cock, it seems he didn’t matter that we’ve been rehearsing, dancing and sweating for more than four hours.

“Ugh...God...” I moaned, burying my fingers in his dark hair, I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, feeling the pleasure came in waves, starting at the point where his beautiful and skillful mouth sucked my penis “oh, Hakyeon…” I moaned again, starting to move his head to indicate a faster pace, which he obeyed without question.

I continued moaning intelligible things, I wouldn’t last long if he continued that way so I stopped him, separating him from me, still panting heavily and wanting much more, but my sense of responsibility and respect for their relationship continued pounding my head, but I forgot that thought when he took off his shirt, revealing his caramel skin and the weak muscles marked in his torso, he was just beautiful.

I went for him kneeling on the floor beside him, pushing him until I was above him, supporting my weigh on my elbows and devouring his lips, his hands stroking the length of my back. After leaving deep marks on my back he managed to submit me and turned to get on top of me, moving his hips against mine, causing a strange friction that made me moan. Hakyeon knelt, removing my sweatpants and briefs completely, leaving me totally naked. I felt my cheeks flush aggressively when I realized it was the first time I was totally naked in front of him, I wanted to cover my body but Hakyeon held my hands, watching me with lust and adoration.

“You have a great body” he said with a kind of sigh, his hands caressing my thighs, causing a a strange tingling sensation “Come on, spread your legs, Taekwoon.”

I was really in diapers in my knowledge to homosexual sex, but I think I knew exactly what that meant and I didn’t like that idea very much but still a general chill ran through my body when I spread my legs and Hakyeon stroked the inside of my thighs, getting closer and closer to my entrance. I bit my lip ad Hakyeon lubricated his index finger in saliva.

“'This will be very uncomfortable, but not very much if you just relax” I covered my face with my hands, trying to take that finger that stroked my tight entrance as something pleasuring. 

But there was meaning to that, it was not pleasant at all, or at least not for me as I could hear the heavy breathing of Hakyeon while introducing his digit into my anus, moving in a circular motion. After a certain point he stopped moving it in a circle and the discomfort increased, so I knew he added another digit and began to scissor them. I guess Hakyeon had noticed that my erection had magically disappeared so he tried to arouse my flaccid member my hand.

“Are you not liking it?” he asked, concerned to see that there wasn’t any reaction on my side.

“It’s not that it fascinates me” I muttered, moving my hips in discomfort.

“Then I guess I didn’t find it…” he mumbled to himself “Maybe if…” he changed the angle on his fingers and…

Fuck.

As if he had touched a button a different kind of pleasure began from that particular area, it wasn’t something that began instantly but gradually it began to overcome the discomfort. My face was full of colors again and I stopped breathing every time he touched that special spot, from one moment to another I was going to start moaning as the porn actresses of Ken and Ravi videos, for that I was sure.

I tilted my head unable to endure the strong gaze of Hakyeon and after doing so I could see our reflection in the large mirrors. It was like watching a live porn, me with my face flushed, completely naked with my legs spread open, with my heels on the ground and dropping my knees to the sides; Hakyeon seized my entrance, shirtless so I could admire his torso that wasn’t easy to see every day. He had the gray sweatpants on his knees to avoid the friction in the wood and his erect cock stood proudly, dripping pre cum.  

“I knew you had a pervert side, Taekwoon” he had found my gaze through the mirror, I hadn’t realized he had withdrawn his fingers from inside me and at that moment he masturbated slowly “You want to see how I fuck you hard?” he asked, his voice filled with lust “you want to see the exact moment I penetrate you?” damn, his words excited e so much, but not enough as to see how he grabbed my thighs and draw me closer to him, his cock began to disappear from the refection and I felt it close to my buttocks “look at me…” I gasped as he began to push himself slowly inside. I stopped breathing and stared at him, as he indicated me.

I had never seen him like that, his eyes seemed to spill fire and he stared at me right in the eyes, spreading some of his fire onto my body; his fingers dug into my hips and he seemed to be containting himself to start penetrating me hard. He solved that problem by moving his hips, pulling his cock out and burying deep inside me at each stroke, he continued with it until he was completely inside of me and I could feel his pubes tickle my backside. It was very strange, but damn pleasant.

He adopted a quick pace, accurate, digging his fingers on my hips and constantly hitting that sweet spot that maximized the pleasure. I had begun panting, bothered a bit for that sensation of being full of something strange but a few seconds after I couldn’t contain the pants, moans and whimpers that automatically came out my throat. It was somewhat shameful to listen how strong they echoed in every corner of the room, but also gave some kind of morbid feeling listening to my own sounds of pleasure mixed with his low groans and the sound of his balls hitting my ass with that characteristic sound.

“Who would say that you are a whining little bitch” he groaned, stopping his pace and pumping again my cock, starting to take me to the edge, feeling the orgasm began to build in my lower abdomen “Get on your feet” he ordered, also standing up, I stood up feeling my legs weak, I was completely flushed and both were covered in a thin layer of sweat.

He pulled me to him, kissing my mouth lasciviously, gently pushing me to the couch where he sat and motioned me to straddle him. That position was somewhat strange as I was taller than him, but it hardly mattered at that time, I only cared about the way his lips sucked my neck and collarbones, the way he massaged my ass and how he buried inside of me again.

He started to move my hips, indicating how I should move with small ripples that rubbed my dick against his abdomen.

As the pace increased until it was the same we had at the beginning Hakyeon started nibbling my lip and my neck, pulling my cock also to the rhythm of my hips moving on top of him. My moans were again present and I felt close, I buried my face on the hollow of his neck, holding back to not bite him, my tip began to drip pre cum and my muscles became tenser than ever, making a little bit difficult to continue with the penetrations.

“Come, my beautiful Taekwoon” he whispered in my ear and as if my body had been waiting to that words I came violently in convulsions and such pleasure that my eyes were filled with tears and I couldn’t even utter a moan “Fuck…” he mumbled, squeezing my ass tightly.

At the time I came hard Hakyeon began pounding me harder than before, losing rhythm and hurting me a bit, he ignored my cry of pain and he came in a torrent of cusses and dug his nails deep in my back.

Once we rode out the orgasm we stayed still, waiting for our bodies to return to normal, I didn’t had any strength left in my body and my muscles began to cramp and I was sure I was crushing Hakyeon under me, but as he didn’t complain I decided to stay as we were.

We heard someone dropping something in the bathrooms that were consequent to the practice room where we were, we jumped immediately. None of us had deigned to remain silent and w were sure we had been too noisy.

Hakyeon pulled up his sweatpants and boxer briefs that were around his ankles, placed his shirt quickly, ignoring the stains of cum in his abdomen and he smoothed his disheveled hair in the mirror as I gathered my clothes and tried to get dressed in between grimaces of pain and feeling something gooey drip in between my cheek. Well, I could say now that I wasn’t a virgin in all means.  After finishing to dress and make sure that we looked as normal as possible (we had discovered deep bruises on our necks and my back was completely full of scratches) we went stumbled out of the room, bumping in the process with a maintenance employee which we scared and he scared us, but to avoid uncomfortable questions we just bowed and sprint off, holding back our laughter.

 We arrived at the parking lot and then we could finally release, started laughing uproariously more due to nervousness knowing we were on the verge of being discovered and partly because I had limped all the way. My rear was definitely not happy with me.

“Don’t worry it’ll pass after a day or two, it’s not as uncomfortable as you think” Hakyeon said, pulling up the zipper of his jacket as we felt the cold air of November entering in the underground parking lot.

“How do you know? Ryeowook has it as big as yours?” I asked in a bad mood, putting my hoodie. Hakyeon lowered his gaze and I knew I had messed up so I took his hand and pulled him closer to me, grabbing his chin and kissing his lips chastely, not wanting that to end. “Please, don’t pull me away again. What else do you need? You started everything now, for me that mean that you opened up to me…although I was the one who was opened” he giggled and shook his head.

“I know…Taekwoon” he sighed in frustration and tried to push me away but I held him tightly “Ryeowook came first…” he repeated, shaking his head as he was swatting a mosquito “You were there first…but Ryeowook came first. I’m sorry, really sorry…” he bit his lips “I shouldn’t have been carried away by my lust…but…” he clenched my shirt tightly.

“You feel attracted to me, that's all, stop kidding yourself that Ryeowook came first” I took his cheeks to force him to look at me “Come to me…completely. I don’t know if Ryeowook makes you as happy as me, or I he makes you feel all I make you feel…well…if I do make you feel something, but seeing what we just done…in a public place I can say I do. Stop kidding yourself and just…come to me.” I kissed him again, calmly, softly, wrapping his lips with mine, enjoying that moment as if we were alone.

“Give me time, Taekwoon” he finally said after we separated “Things will change after this, I’m sure of that. I just need time to talk to Ryeowook, to know…to accommodate my ideas. Whether you like it or not I do love him…”

“But you love me more” I interrupted him and this time he didn’t denied it.

“I don’t want to hurt him” he said, sniffling “Just give me time” and after saying those words he kissed me briefly before heading to the cold night in early November.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did i make your noses bleed? *wink wink*  
> Did you expect to Taekwoon be a bottom? Such a good bottom  
> Story is finally wraping up! Hakyeon can't deny anymore he feels something about Taekwoon, does he?  
> HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY PRECIOUS LEADER! The sexiest, sassiest(?), best leader EVER! OMG can you believe he is turning 27? (28 korean age) I feel like it was yesterday when he turned 25 and I felt like he was way too old (LOL, says the person that loves Shinhwa, DBSK, Super Junior, SS501...they ARE old) such a big boy ;.;   
> anywyas, let me know what you think!! or let's just fangirl all day about Hakyeon :3   
> See you guys next time! 
> 
> Right! The song Taekwoon sang is "Words to say/speechless" from the VIXX LR album, and yes, this was written during the Chained Up era. So...go figure.


	8. VIII

Hakyeon POV

I was fucked up. Wrecked up. Totally confused.

For the first time in my life I had been guided by my instincts, my impulses and my lower desires.

No one had given Taekwoon permission to be so hot, nobody had given him permission to write such song him permission to Taekwoon be so sensual, nobody had given him permission to write such moving song and sang it with such feelings and passion and a fixity in his eyes that turned me into a pudding, filled my skin with fire and made me fuck him carelessly.

Not that I regretted that happening, I had never had such good sex in my life (and I didn’t just mean me being the top), I never thought that much pleasure was possible, more like, I have never experienced true pleasure until I stumbled with Taekwoon.

But I wasn’t just bothered for the fact that I slept with him, I couldn’t have necessarily feelings for him after hooking up, both might think that it was just lust and that’s it, but the words he said to me after “But you love me more” were still in my mind 24/7, because even if I wanted it or not, there was so much truth in his words.

It wasn’t that I didn’t loved Ryeowook, he had become some kind of lifeguard in my life and that’s where my love came from, but after all recent actions I had realized that I just couldn’t forget Taekwoon, my heart was still beating strong for him and it wasn’t just a ‘crush’ anymore, but it wasn’t ‘true love’ either, but it was love and that was my biggest problem.

X

X

X

_Hey, I’m outside, come down for a sec, I really want to see you._

I read the message and sighed, I missed that feeling of joy that I used to felt less than five months ago, that feeling was now replaced by some kind of regret.

I pulled the hood of my sweatshirt and adjusted the mask on my face and made sure that the bruises of last day weren’t visible. I located Ryeowook’s car and went in quickly, forcing a smile as any boyfriend would do after seeing his partner after many weeks of absence.

“Hey”  he greeted me, leaning over to give me a soft kiss on my lips and squeezing me into a tight hug, but it didn’t made my heart flutter “God…I missed you so much” he sighed, inhaling my scent.

“I know...” I just answered, I couldn’t say I missed him too, I couldn’t lie to him in that way “it’s been quite a while”

“I had to see you before you start with your activities” He pouted and pulled me to him so I would be leaning on his chest –want to go and grab some dinner? Shall we see a movie in my place and have some take out?” he asked, leaving a kiss in my forehead with each question “I really have other ideas in mind, but…I don’t want to go home and just do that”

“The truth is that I’m so tired” I quickly answered “we’ve been working so hard on the comeback and I want to give my best as leader and dancer and all that” a truth to hide something. Smart. I saw how disappointment was drawn in his face.

“Oh, ok, don’t worry, I understand” he said with a hint of sadness “You’ll do well, you are so good, you’ll kick everyone’s asses” he smiled reassuringly and gave a thumbs up, I forced myself to laugh.

“Thanks a lot” I kept forcing my cheeks to smile and I tried to get out of the car.

“No, wait, kiss me” he said, taking my hand and pulling me towards him, making his thin lips met mine.

For the first time in nine months since we began dating my heart didn’t flutter, nor my stomach turned into knots, actually, I felt that his lips were too thin and didn’t embraced mine properly. Oh…there was a lot of difference between his lips and the full ones of Leo; I was forced to answer that kiss, trying not to think in the obvious differences between him and Taekwoon and that those differences made better my bandmate. I could feel how much he had missed me, after all, we had a month without seeing each other, and I knew he was going to need something else, more than those languid kisses, something I couldn’t give him.  

“I think you are really tired” he mumbled after a while of kissing me and fondling my legs and crotch, having no reaction at all “go and sleep. You’ve done a lot, I don’t want you to pass out or fall on stage” I sighed and leaned my forehead on his shoulder, feeling all the physical and emotional exhaustion on my shoulders “Sleep, now, go, your album release is only a day away.”

“Taekwoon’s birthday!” I exclaimed, taking a hand to my forehead with force as I realized the date. Ryeowook frowned “we have to celebrate early Taekwoon’s birthday because on that day we are going to be very busy” I added “and it has to be tomorrow and I completely forgot about it” 

“Can I come? What should I bring?” he asked, relaxing his clenched jaw “what does Taekwoon like?

“Eh…” I mumbled hesitantly, feeling a strange sense of emptiness and not wanting to say ‘I don’t want you there’ bluntly “Sure, but you don’t have to come if you don’t want to, you must have your own schedule”

“I don’t have anything tomorrow” he shrugged his shoulders “besides, I haven’t been in one of your members’ birthday party and you have come to some of SuJu’s, it’s time to get involved a little bit more. I’m also planning on coming to the showcase, I have to cheer you in everything I can”

Three months earlier I would have started to jump with excitement and star planning where we should meet each other or how to get him into the waiting room; that day I could only smile in answer, with that I hadn’t more doubts, everything seemed to indicate that there was no more affection between me and him…or at least there wasn’t any kind of attraction, or love from my side.

I returned to the dorm, still with that heavy feeling on my shoulders, I had to start putting those feelings away and start to think on the comeback, in the song and the schedule more than my personal life.

I was sprawled on the couch, staring at nothing when a dark shadow with a bright blonde hair sat by my side, wrapping a hand around my shoulder and pulling me to him, I snuggled on his chest. Taekwoon began to hum a lullaby softly with his soothing voice, stroking my hair and after a while I fell asleep still in his arms.

X

X

X

“Why did they slept on the couch? Did we snore a lot last night?” I heard Hongbin’s whisper.

“I think the question is: why did they slept together?” Hyuk commented.

“Shut up” Leo whispered “let him sleep a bit more, even 10 more minutes, he deserves it.”

“Oh! I thought you were still asleep, Hyung” Hongbin answered, clearly surprised.

“No one can sleep with the noise you are doing” finally intervened after realizing the situation. I opened my eyes, realizing I was still on Taekwoon’s legs and, judging by the pain on my back, we have slept like that all night “what time is it?” I asked, sitting up and wiping discreetly the corners of my mouth to remove the remains of my nocturnal drooling. 

“About five o’clock in the morning” Hyuk yawned. Two hours, we had slept only two hours “we have to go now to the last rehearsal” he yawned again so widely I thought he was going to suck me “Manager Hyung said he wanted us down in twenty minutes, we will go ahead and buy some co-coffee” he yawned midsentence.

“Sure, sure. Of course, we have to start moving” I slapped my cheek to focus and wake up.

Leo stretched and I did the same, listening how my bones cracked while they were organizing themselves, Leo snorted in some kind of lazy laugh and I glared at him, also keeping a smile. I have seen Taekwoon many times with only a few hours of sleep, but I never really noticed how cute he looked bleary-eyed, disheveled hair and yawning openly. He went to his room with a bit of stumbling and I did the same, picking up some clean clothes without paying so much attention on what I was choosing and I came back to go to the main bathroom as the one in the room was occupied by someone. 

Ravi and Leo were talking in the kitchen when I passed by there, Ravi had a slightly mocking smile but looked at Leo with surprise and he was as red as a beet with insolation. Ravi started laughing unaware that I was watching him and leaned on Leo’s shoulder, very comfortably.  Recalling their little scene at the bar a few months ago I felt a twinge of a much known jealousy and I coughed to get their attention and they separated.

“Wonshik, aren’t you going to shower?” I asked, maybe a little bit harder than intended.

“Yes, indeed I was suggesting Taekwoon hyung to shower together to save some time” I tried to keep a neutral face to his sentence and the obvious look he gave my vocalist (yes…MY vocalist)

“All right!” I exclaimed with a higher pith than usual “I’ll shower here, you two use the shower in the bedroom, Jaehwan must be done now. Don’t last long or they are going to scold us again” and biting my tongue I entered the bathroom.

I undressed, still fuming and at the same time trying to relax. Taekwoon had told me it was me the one he loved, I didn’t have to worry about that, but I also wasn’t in the position to start feeling jealous of him with someone else. For being lost in my own maniac thoughts I poke my eye with my middle finger wet with shampoo, so my first cussing of the day was heard in the small room filled with steam.

“Rising your eye with water works more than if you just curse” Leo’s voice made my heart jump and I almost slipped.

“Yah! You’re supposed to be in the other shower!” I shouted, finally being able to pen my eyes and looking at him standing outside the shower completely naked “what are you doing?” I asked, wrinkling my nose and trying to only focus on his face.

“I'm going to shower, move aside” he said like if it was the most normal thing in the world “we have to hurry, we only have ten minutes.”

My eyes were drawn like magnets to his naked glory. Definitely, blonde hair fits him so well, it gave him more fairness in his skin, on his neck I was able to see the bruises that I have left on his skin on our idyll in the practice room two days ago and when he turned I could see the scars that my nails have left when I scratched his back blinded by lust, I blushed deeply feeling sorry for my momentum of aggressiveness. My eyes continued their way down, staring now at his white, firm and properly sized butt. The feeling of having those white and soft cheeks between my hands and the sensation of his skin burning against mine came back, I shivered, feeling my member start to harden at the mere memory so I took the soap and started lathering my body frantically, holding my breath to avoid the growing erection, making sure Taekwoon wasn’t able to see me. To my surprise, when I turned to rinse myself I saw him staring back at me with his eyes glistening.

“What?” I asked, trying to sound disinterested and moving him apart of the water to rinse the soap and remove the heat on my cheeks.

“Nothing...you look beautiful” he answered sincerely and left a kiss on my forehead making us blush like schoolgirls; I had the sudden urge to kiss his full lips moistened by the water.

“Hey!” Ravi cried from the other side of the door, knocking hard on it and making us leap apart, I didn’t even realized I was inly inches away from Taekwoon “Manager Hyung is already here so stop making out and finish showering, hurry up.”

We stared at each other for several seconds, holding back our nervous laughter, well…I needed to interrogate Taekwoon later about Ravi’s words, but that will be in another moment. After leaving a kiss on the corner of his mouth I left the shower, trying to make my exit as sexy as I could. .

X

X

X

Taekwoon POV

The sound of the meat grilling made my stomach growl with such intensity that made Ravi laugh, I poked his ribs with the tongs for the meat and he laughed harder, complaining because of the pain.

It could be midnight, and we could have lasted all day practicing, we could have the body cramped and our voices hoarse but in front of food, a little bit of alcohol and the thought of me becoming older made us so excited as if it was noon, so there we were, sitting in a private room in our favorite restaurant waiting for the food to be ready between loud laughter.

“Happy birthday, Pinku Pinku Leo!” they all shouted in unison once the meat was ready and we began to devour it all, I could have hit them but my hunger was bigger so I started eating not caring about my burning tongue.

Our conversations were always cheerful, while we ate our tiredness never showed. Everyone was engaged in their own chats: Hyuk, Ken and Hongbin were guffawing while covering their mouths with their hands so we couldn’t see the half-chewed cow in their mouths. Ravi was talking nonstop to me about the concept, the costumes, about what we should do if we won first place and thousands of other things, but I wasn’t really paying attention to him, I pretended he had all my attention but I was more concerned on knowing why Hakyeon didn’t talked with the others, why he only ate staring at his bowl and occasionally throwing nervous looks at the door and after to his cellphone, I also realized he drank big gulps of water so the food could go down his throat. He seemed very nervous, but why? It was maybe that...

My doubts were resolved when the door opened and someone short, wearing a cap and a mask on his face came into the room, carrying something that looked like a cake. I sighed heavily and it was now me the one that stared at the white grains of rice in my bowl, when the shorty sat everyone greeted him warmly, bursting with good manners. They were good kids and they weren’t aware of the love triangle that had formed between him, Hakyeon and me so they didn’t have any motives to be as rude as I was being, most however, I knew they were going to start questioning why I was acting so rude to a senior so I greeted him forcibly but when making eye contact with him I could reaffirm that the feeling was mutual. If it had been an anime in that exact moment there could be seen some lighting and daggers coming out of our eyes, trying to cause as much damage as possibly.

“Happy birthday in advance, Taekwoon” Ryeowook said, smiling and giving me a forced pat on the shoulder “I hope you don’t mind that I’ve decided to show up but I know how important you are for Hakyeon” he pressed his thigh and the aforementioned just lowered his head, frowning a bit “and anyone that is important to my Hakyeon” I guess I only noticed his emphasis on the MY “is also important to me”

I knew if I opened my mind, for the first time in my life, I was going to be rude with someone older so I just nodded, eating more meat that I really didn’t needed because I was full and about to explode so it took me a little bit longer to chew and I had an excuse to not resume our talk. I looked at Ravi with some despair, silently asking for help.  

“Hyung, come with me to the bathroom, please” he said, loud enough so only Hakyeon and Ryeowook listened. We apologized and with a quick walking we headed to the bathroom and once we reached the place he gave me a hard look.

“What?” I asked, not understanding why he looked at me that way.

“I thought you have passed the stage of feeling jealous to your crush’s boyfriend” he nagged “for heaven’s sake, Hyung, you already fucked! He exclaimed quite loud so I had to cover up his mouth to restrain him to keep shouting to all the establishment about my recent sexual activity “and it wasn’t you the one who started it but Hakyeon Hyung” he added in deep whispers “if that isn’t that Hakyeon hyung feels something for you then I don’t know what love or desire is anymore

“I know, I know...and he also said something like that” I grimaced, running a hand through my blonde locks “but he also mentioned that whether if I liked it or not he still loved Ryeowook” I frowned in disgust “he said he needed time to straight things up, but…knowing how good person he is…I feel like he’s going to stay with Ryeowook even if he’s totally unhappy with him.”

“Then it is time to start to show Ryeowook that Hakyeon isn’t interested in him, to show him that the love between the two of them is over, he can’t think a relationship is forever…”

“I like to think that if I had a relationship with Hakyeon it’ll be forever…” I confessed in a quiet voice, blushing deeply. It was my first time saying that aloud.  

“But that’s true love” Ravi reasoned, thankful he hadn’t mocked my kitsch “Hakyeon started dating Ryeowook so he could forget you, but the latest actions show us that it’s you the one who actually wants, he also said that to you, right?” I just nodded “then you need to stop feeling jealous, you just…need to make Ryeowook notice that, you told him you were going to just ... you need to make Ryeowook realize that, you told him you were going to play fair and that’s what you’ve been doing and with just those clean fights you have made Hakyeon’s love grow more and more” he made a grimace “God, please ignore those cheesy things I’m saying” we both laughed “look, when we return to the table I’m going to sit next to Jaehwan, I’ll pretend I have to talk to him about…I don’t know, I’ll think something and you sit next to Hakyeon and you start talking to him” I shoot him a panicked look, talking to someone, creating a talking theme…the thing I couldn’t do in this whole world “you need to comment about other moments you have had together, use your birthday to bring some birthdays of the past, the cakes he bought for you, the gifts he has given to you…anything, you just need to have a conversation between the two of you, ignoring Ryeowook, it has to be only between both of you, understood?”

“Understood” I nodded, swallowing nervously.

“Your birthday gift will be that the love of your life become your official boyfriend at last” Ravi assured, grabbing me by the cheeks ad if he was some trainer cheering up his champ before an important competition “keep it in mind” and before leaving the bathroom he spanked me in the ass in a cheerful way.  

As we planned, he sat next to Jaehwan with the excuse of telling him something about something not ‘Hot Enough’ in Hot Enough so I sat next to Hakyeon, who was talking, or more like he was listening the endless talk of Ryeowook, it seemed that it was a funny story because my leader was forcing a smile on his lips and played with his hair again and again, a clear sign that he was uncomfortable. It seemed like Ryeowook didn’t get that his boyfriend was feeling uncomfortable, he didn’t knew him that well in that case. 

“The children finished eating?” I asked in a moment Ryeowook took a pause to eat his food that was getting colder “It’s almost two in the morning and we have to get up early”

“Yes, they already finished, we were just waiting for you to comeback from the bathroom to eat the cake” Hakyeon, bringing forward the cake box.

“I hope you like what I brought, I really don’t know what flavor you like” Ryeowook added, nervously, scratching his neck. It was chocolate cake. Damn. I love chocolate cake.

“Oh, of course, it’s fine!” I replied hastily “Hakyeon must’ve told you chocolate’s my favorite” I said, licking my lips “all the ones he have bought for me are Chocolate cake”

“You’re making it sound like it’s have been many, Taekwoon” Hakyeon smiled, and doing a gesture with his hand.

“We’ve spent at least five birthdays together” I replied, helping him with putting the candles on the cake. Creating a conversation with him was easier for me than with anyone else than “Do you remember your first birthday when we were still trainees? No one remembered it was your birthday, or well…no one else than me and I made you cry when I took you to a cake shop in another neighborhood so the company wouldn’t know we were breaking the diet” I remembered with certain melancholy in my voice, we have always been close since the first time we met.  

“Oh, that’s true!” he replied, genuinely smiling this time “God, I can’t believe they made us have an alimentation regimen, we weren’t that overweight at that time” he rolled his eyes.

“Well, you had some baby fat in your cheeks that could be compared to Jaehwan’s cheeks” I answered, pinching one of his cheeks “wait…you still have some fat cheeks”

“Yeah, look who's talking” he counterattacked, also pinching mine, I removed his hand with a playful slap.

“You've changed a lot, Taekwoon” Ryeowook intervened suddenly “I remember that four years ago you couldn’t even talk with your normal voice and now…”

“I still do that with people I don’t know or I’ve just recently met” I shrugged “Hakyeon is the only person who knows me as I truly am” I tried that my look wasn’t corny at all “I feel more comfortable in opening to the others with him or Wonshik present than with somebody else. But I feel comfortable with Wonshik after the VIXX LR activities, I’ve always feel secure with Hakyeon by my side, that’s why most of the time I’m by his side.”

“And that’s why I fight with him a lot” Hakyeon added “he had always had the courage to tell me the things straight. Let’s just say he corrects me when I’m wrong…but with brutally honest words.”

“Yeah, and you get so mad at me that you last a day without talking to me but the next day you are nagging me again and almost praying for me to talk to you again” I snorted.

“Why did we fought that time?” Hakyeon asked, starting to turn his body more towards me “I have the memory of us fighting really clear but I don’t remember why.”

“I don’t remember either” I laughed “I just know that we screamed at each other so much that we scared the kids, I remember Wonshik on the verge of tears” Hakyeon let out a warm laughter “I think that it was because I hurt my ankle a few days before you had to do the VIXX GIRLS thing” I frowned, trying to remember “you yelled at me because you said I had done it on purpose.”  

“Right! Right! You’re right!” he exclaimed, laughing a bit more louder and seal clapping, he was totally facing me now, so Ryeowook laughed a bit more higher to gain his attention, but Hakyeon was too busy clapping like a retarded seal “We must do it again” he rubbed his hands maliciously “if we won first place I’ll say we have to dance the song cross-dressing and now you won’t have any excuses” he seemed to like that a lot. I shook my head frantically.

“In that case I’ll say you have to appear shirtless on stage” I said, trying to sound as threating as I could.

“You wouldn’t dare!” he cried, still giggling like a schoolgirl.

“Just try me and see!” I added menacingly but I was also smiling “we’ll see how your fans treat you when they see your flabby belly on stage” I squinted my eyes.  

“They won’t treat me bad because they love me…they are my fans, aren’t they?” he pull out his tongue, playfully “However, you…” he made a gesture, like trying to picture me in his head with a skirt and pigtails “I can imagine the massive amounts of fan arts and all that stuff they do, a onetime event: Jung Taekwoon’s soccer player legs in a short schoolgirl skirt…or maybe some tight shorts a lacy garter” he chuckled so lout that I think it was heard even on the other side of the restaurant “Yes, I’ll like that, please. Jung Taekwoon in a lacy garter.”

“Yah! Cha Hakyeon” I growled menacingly, but he was roaring with laughter, leaning on me with tears on his eyes “don’t get so ahead of time, we don’t even know if it’s going to be fulfilled.”

“Oh believe me, it will and It’ll be more likely if we promise that” he incorporated, wiping the tears from his face.

“Hakyeonie is right, the fans always do their best effort to make us win, now when you promise them something as juicy as that, it’s going to happen” Ryeowook said, leaning almost completely on the table so Hakyeon could see him, but he was very busy fanning himself and wiping the swat of his forehead “but come on, let Taekwoon blow the candles so you could go and rest a bit. Tomorrow is the big day.”

I nodded, taking the lighter Ravi passed me, it was now obvious that Hakyeon and I were talking just by ourselves so it was better to stop the excluding him for now. I lit up the candles, still having in my mind and rejoicing with the expression of jealousy in the shorty’s face and the happy face of Hakyeon laughing so much.

“Hyung!” Hyuk suddenly shouted, startling everyone “what kind of devil-like woman did that to you?!” the damn maknae crossed the entire table to pull down my sweater, revealing the purplish hickey on my neck. Guess I scratched my neck without knowing and revealed a bit of that bruise in front of my eagle-eyed maknae. “Did you hook up Mileena or what?” the silence on the table was so deep that nobody seemed to care that the candles were melting, leaving the icing full with wax.

I felt suddenly very hot, my cheeks burned so much that I could go into spontaneous combustion, my ears were also hot, I heard some strange buzz that didn’t allowed me to fully hear the laughter of the others. I felt the urge to start hitting my head against the table until losing consciousness. How could I have been so careless? Hakyeon laughed with a very shrill and nervous laughter, I kind of heard he was scolding me for having neglected my neck shortly before the comeback with a very revealing wardrobe. The maknaes were demanding some explanation and my necessity to hide under the table grew stronger.

“Ok, shut up now. You sound like teenagers that have never heard the word ‘sex’” Ravi calm the others after a while, pitying me and the huge embarrassment I was feeling, I wasn’t able to raise my head yet but a part of my desperately needed to know the reaction of Ryeowook, who I haven’t heard to say a word in that time “you all know that the only one who’s left to be deflowered is Sanghyuk” the aforementioned jumped in protest, saying something that he only needed to ‘put it in the right place’ “so now shut up everybody and let’s sing to Taekwoon Hyung before the icing of the cake stops being whipped cream and starts to be wax cream” 

And as if he was the conductor of an orchestra they all began to sing “Happy Birthday” in their own notes so there was heard some kind of tuned disaster. I was now forced to look up while they all clapped cheerfully to the beat, Hyuk was staring mockingly at me, Hongbin and Ken were smiling quizzically and Hakyeon was almost as flushed as me, even his ears had changed colors; I looked sideways to Ryeowook, who was singing but was staring intriguing at his flushed boyfriend. Fuck, he was already suspecting something, I was sure of that. But…that benefited me, right? But if he found out that way…maybe Hakyeon would hate me? He could think I did it on purpose?  Like the conductor of an orchestra tune all began to sing "Happy Birthday" so now if I was forced to

We ate the cake quickly, standing up immediately after finishing so we could go home and sleep another two hours at the most. As we put on our thick coats, scarves and beanies Ryeowook went to the bathroom so Hakyeon made a quick gesture with his eyes so the two of us went ahead with the excuse to check if Manager Hyung was already outside with the van.

“Taekwoon…” Hakyeon began, mist coming out of his mouth and starting to tremble for the icy weather.

“Control yourself…nothing happened” I assured him, resisting my need to embrace him to keep him warm “I don’t think someone noticed”

“I'm sorry. It’s just that…it was so suddenly” he arranged my scarf so it’ll cover better my mouth and nose “I need to control myself better next time…”

'So there will be a next time?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

“You know what I mean” he added, also adjusting his scarf “Happy birthday, Taekwoon” he added, fixating his eyes on mine, he grabbed my hand, intertwining his fingers with mine “I really thank you were born and that you are on my life, even if gave me so many headaches” he laughed softly and squeezed my hand lightly.

“Hakyeon?” Ryeowook's voice interrupted our time alone “do you want me to take you home?” he asked, staring alternately to both of us.

“No, I'll go with the kids, you need to go home and rest too” he said, putting his hands inside the pockets of his jacket, like trying to disguise with the fact we were just holding hands.

“I need to tell you something important” he said, seriously. “Go away” he ordered me, I just raised an eyebrow.

“You don’t have to be that rude” Hakyeon scolded him, frowning.

“I can be as rude as I want if he’s still getting into our relationship” Ryeowook said, excitedly, pointing an accusing finger towards me.

“Getting…? Hakyeon asked “He’s not…”

“Don’t defend him, will you? I don’t know what to think when you defend him” he snorted with some bitterness in his voice “I don’t even know what to think right now.”

“Why you don’t know what to think?” I asked, still not lowering my eyebrow.

“I told you to stay the fuck out” he attacked, again pointing at me with a threating finger “You said you were going to play fair.”

“Play fair?” Hakyeon asked, totally uninformed of the situation.  

“I'm playing fair.” I replied, putting my hand sin my pockets nonchalantly “I haven’t done anything drastic nor I have forced him to do something, it’s not my fault that you have drawn away from him”

“I haven’t” he said, with the bitter tone in his voice.

“Then is as clear as water, don’t you think?”

“Taekwoon, quiet” Hakyeon intervened, hearing the danger in my voice “Ryeowook, explain to me…what’s that that Taekwoon’s was going to play fair?”

“Taekwoon cannot accept the fact you are happy with someone else.”

“Do you think he is really happy?” I interrupted him “If he is happy then you don’t have to worry about me at all.”

“I try not to. I try to trust him” he replied, raising his voice a bit “But I can’t trust you, I can’t trust this stupid crush he has on you.”

“Ryeowook, this is no place to talk about that” Hakyeon interrupted him, looking nervously at the street “we are in a public place”

“The hell with that!” Ryeowook finally exploded, giving a strange stomp on the floor “I'm tired of you hiding everything from everyone. How do you want this becomes a more serious relationship if you won’t even let me meet your parents? If you waited to fucking months to tell your band mates?”

“Because you know perfectly know how dangerous this situation is!” Hakyeon replied, the pits of his nose dilated “you may have ten years in the showbiz but I only have three years and not just that…I have all the responsibility of the group on my shoulders” his voice sounded some kind of runny, like if he was going to start crying in one time or another “You knew what you were facing when you decided to go out with me. You knew I couldn’t tell other people as easy as you. Besides, you can’t blame me for hiding when you haven’t come out either. First come out to the important people in your company and in your family and then you can demand me to do things” he finished hard.

“You want me to come out?” Ryeowook cried “Should I remember you why DBSK changed for being five to being only two?”

“I don’t see the problem, you are no longer thirteen” Hakyeon answered with evilness in his voice, and I guess it hurt Ryeowook a lot because he looked at him in disbelief “That’s enough, okay? “ Hakyeon added in a softer tone, maybe realizing how hard his sentence was “We’ll talk another day.”

“Another day? You won’t have time for me another day, you are going to focus a lot on them, you are going to focus a lot in him” he pointed me and took a menacing step towards Hakyeon, so I did the same, grabbing his hand to keep him away from Ryeowook “Answer me something, Taekwoon…” he turned suddenly to me “who made you that hickey? Was it really a girl? Was it a guy? Was someone I know?”

“Ryeowook...” Hakyeon began in a pleading voice.

“Answer me!” he shouted and I realized he was on the verge of tears.

Fuck. That was the least that I wanted. All that time I had concentrated on that Ryeowook was somebody evil, somebody that wanted to steal Hakyeon from me, someone who I had declared my natural enemy from the moment he began to date my friend, but I never really realized that he also loved Hakyeon; even if I hated it he also had feelings for him and for more than I hated it I was the one who was guilty for making Hakyeon unfaithful to him. I couldn’t call it other else than an affair, we were having an affair and it was obvious it was going to hurt him. I was being selfish, I perfectly knew it, but after a whole life of always worrying about the others first I wanted to be selfish for three seconds and confess all.

I turned to see Hakyeon in hopes for help to answer hi. He was alternating wild-eyed glances filled with panic at the two of us. Ryeowook was shedding tears and in the restaurant door I could see the others watching the show with interest and doubt reflected on their faces; Ravi was shaking his head nonstop, telling me to shut up.

And so I did, I wasn’t the one who was going to tell Ryeowook. Hakyeon said he was going to straight things up with him, I needed to respect his decision.

“I'll now ask you, Hakyeon” Ryeowook added after seeing there wasn’t an answer “Did you have anything to do with him?

For a few seconds nothing was heard, nothing but the chill air of November and the hum of cars in the adjacent road. Hakyeon was breathing heavily through his nose and was fidgeting his hands frantically, swaying on his toes, struggling to decide between telling the truth or continue with the lie. Wondering, just like me, if he should be selfish.

“Yes, Ryeowook” he finally sighed and some kind of brick fell on my stomach “I slept with Taekwoon.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CLIFFHANGERS!! DAYUM!!! SHIT EXPLODED DUDE!!!! IDK what else to say, I'm so tired and sleepy from work ;.; so a nice big fat review? please? For the sake of my writing(?) ok no, but it will be really nice to read something saying actually nice things about me for a start.  
> Don't hate for the cliff hanger   
> NEXT ONE IS THE LAST CHAPTER!!!


	9. FINAL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it guys.   
> This is the end.

“Yes, Ryeowook, I slept with him” I could almost see how his world collapsed.

His reaction was instantaneous, betrayal and pain were reflected on his face; Tears welled in his eyes rapidly and began to spill down his cheeks. Hakyeon tried to approach him, but the oldest stepped back, marking his distance with a hand. His pupils moved frantically, searching for the right words to say in that situation.

“Was it…?” his voice was broken so he coughed, took a deep breath and stared at Hakyeon, who was also shedding tears, biting his lower lip “was only once or…?”

“Ryeowook...”

“I need to hear it, I need to know how much…you lied to me” he hiccupped slightly, his eyes had changed to deep hatred pain and disappointment “I just need to know if it was more than once...” he added with a pleading tone.

“It was only once, Ryeowook” Hakyeon answered, gulping and staring at me quickly “and I swear that I didn’t want to do it, it was just…”

“Of course you wanted to do it. Don’t say that kind of bullshit, it’s obvious you wanted to” he said de with a harsh tone “it was obvious that if he seduced you, you were going to answer like the little slut you are” Hakyeon stepped back in surprise and I stood in front of him in a protective gesture, frowning “Thanks, Hakyeon, thanks for swearing and promised that you were just friends and that there wasn’t any kind of feelings between you.” His tone had changed again to pain.

“Ryeowook, I’m sorry, ok? I knew I was going to hurt you…” Hakyeon said almost in a whisper “but I was hurting myself more while being with you without love and I’m saying this face to face because I can’t keep lying to you, hurting you, cheating you…”

“You didn’t seem to care when you let him fuck you” Ryeowook said maliciously “wait…or was it the other way?”

“I know...that was the most selfish moment of my entire life” he admitted, ignoring the last question and lowering his face “and I apologize for that, although I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness”

“Hakyeon, Taekwoon, Ryeowook” Manager’s voice called us harshly, it was obvious that he was waiting to interrupt at any time. “continue your discussion inside, the people has started to gather around” he looked at us and in fact when I looked around there were already several people crowded around, without mentioning the kids standing at the door of the restaurant, Ken even had his mouth wide open in surprise.

“I don’t want to keep with this discussion, I don’t need to keep with this discussion” Ryeowook said, shaking his head “we ended up talking. It’s over. There’s nothing else to say. But I guess that’s what you were expecting, weren’t you, Hakyeon? That I broke up with you so you could end things without feeling guilty.

“No, Ryeowook, listen, we need to keep talking inside, please” he pleaded “the least that I wanted to do was…”

“But you did it!” he interrupted, beginning to walk to his car “you were with me for almost a year and we swore that we would never lie to each other and that there wasn’t going to be someone else because the only thing we needed was each other!” he shouted “but what can I be? The fool and naïve Kim Ryeowook against your crush for a lifetime? What could I do against all his talents and qualities?” he shook his head once again and smiled bitterly “you’re a disgusting person, Hakyeon, you really are” Hakyeon choked a sob and stepped back a little bit more “all this time wasted with you, all those texts, all those sleepless nights to be answering your texts where you were telling me your problems, your illusions. All my saliva wasted in telling you my plans, my concerns, in telling you how much I loved you. All the money I spend on you buying you things that I thought you deserved…but seeing how you repay me you don’t deserve a shit.” He finished with hatred on each one of his words.

“I know you're angry” I intervened for the first time in several minutes, my voice had that dangerous tone that warned everyone that I was on the borderline of anger and fury “but you don’t have to talk to him that way”

“I’VE GOT ALL THE FUCKING RIGHT TO SPEAK TO HIM HOWEVER THE FUCK I WANT” he shouted louder “I can’t say that I wish for you to be happy together, you know why? Because as he cheated on me, and he said that I was the love of his life, he will also cheat on you because he’s just a slut that likes to be fucked in the ass…”

“Stop talking about him like that, if you say those kind of things then it’s clearly that you don’t know him” I began approaching Ryeowook, my level of fury slowly surpassing my line of control.

“Oh and I suppose that you know him so perfectly…you’re always babbling about that”

“Well, for your disgrace I do…”

“ENOUGH!” Hakyeon shouted when we had got close enough, I was way taller than him but still Ryeowook pushed me with enough force that it made me stumble a bit “Stop it, Ryeowook, Taekwoon! Enough!” he shouted again, breathing heavily and fast “there’s no need to…you don’t have to…you’re in a public…” he stammered and in a microsecond I realized that something was wrong.

In slow motion I saw him fainting, falling to the cold pavement with a loud thud. I reacted before anyone else so I was the first one to reach him; I took him into my arms and slapped his cheeks slightly to make him react.

“Hakyeon, wake up.” I called him, stroking his hair and holding him by the shoulders with one arm “Hakyeon, please…I need you to open your eyes, I need you to wake up” I stroked his cheek and Hyuk came accompanied by the manager and helped me bring him inside the establishment, although I didn’t need it, he was so thin that I could carry him on my arms as if it was nothing.

I looked back to see how much people were around, how big the damage was being done and maybe to calculate how many pictures and articles of this little fight would be over the internet by that time. Through the din of people who had gathered to carry Hakyeon inside I saw that Ryeowook was still standing in the same place as before and looked towards the crowd of people with the tears glistening on his eyes and composing a bitter smile he turned back and got in his cars without saying a word.

X

X

X

“Then, is he going to be okay? It wasn’t anything serious?” I asked the nurse that was checking on the IV that dripped slowly into the veins of Hakyeon, who was sleeping peacefully in the assigned bed in the ER.

“No, it was just too much stress on his body.” She said, looking at his watch and staring at the drops “The doctor said he would be discharged after this bottle is finished. It has only glucose and vitamins to strengthen his immune system” she put her hands in her pockets and I made sure that he was well covered by the thin blanket of the hospital “he has been a long time under a lot of stress, his stomach is also a mess so we put some omeprazole to help with that. I know I can’t say to you to don’t overwork yourselves, but a bit of rest would do fine” she smiled reassuringly and left the area after making a bow and run the curtain for some privacy.

With a sigh I drop into the chair that was next to the bed, taking his hand which had the IV and I stroked it gently. Despite the explanations of the nurse, I was still worried; it was not the first time that Hakyeon had collapsed by overwork, but this time I knew it wasn’t just because of that, since when he have been feeling so much stress? Was it only because of his responsibilities as leader or I had something to do with it?

After collapsing in the parking lot he regained consciousness minutes later and he had said that he was fine but the manager insisted he had to go to the hospital and he didn’t put up much resistance, or rather, he hadn’t any strength to oppose any resistance; he had dozed all the way to the hospital and at that time he was breathing rhythmically in what must’ve been a deep sleep.

I rubbed my face in despair. We'd screwed up in spectacular ways. I knew the homosexuality of Hakyeon and Ryeowook wasn’t a secret anymore and I also my secret liking of Hakyeon was also discovered. By now the news had to be on every page of gossip both nationally and internationally. The bomb had dropped and there was nothing but wait for the consequences, damages and count the number of wounded.

Hakyeon mumbled something in his sleep and I rushed to take his hand again, stroking it reassuringly, I leaned my forehead on the railing of the bed and my 24 hours awake made weight on my body and fell asleep, even in that uncomfortable position.

“Taekwoon...” Hakyeon's voice spoke to me in my dream “you know it’s forbidden to sleep in the beds of the patients, right?” his hand ruffled my hair and I awoke, sitting up with a bit of drowsiness and smiled, he also tried to smile but his cheeks didn’t seem to respond.

“What happen? Is it hurting in other place? Are you still feeling sick?”

“No, it’s not that...” he waved a hand “The President is on his way here, he has to talk with us” he said his lip trembled “I guess it wasn’t as secret as I planned” he sighed and showed me my cellphone, with he had used to search for news, the article he showed me read **[BREAKING] Dispatch reveals an idols fight between two idol groups** “are all like this, after that it comes ‘confirmed: fighting idols are Super Junior’s Ryeowook and VIXX leader’s N and Leo; fight was because of love affairs” I took off the cellphone before he continued reading, but I knew it was too late for that “Oh, Taekwoon, what have I done? And just days before the comeback! I’m so stupid!” he whimpered and covered his face with his hands.

“Don’t say that, Hakyeon, it’s not your fault” I consoled him, straightening myself in the chair and putting his hands down “stop having so outdate thoughts, you don’t know what’s have been the reaction of the people is, until now they’re just…in shock…I guess, you don’t know how bad it is.”

“...This is the cubicle of Mr. Cha” the nurse’s voice was present before she ran the curtain and there was the president with an expression that it was difficult to decipher.

We had never feared our president, in fact you could say we had a very open relationship, he understood us and occasionally spoiled us, but at those moments we didn’t knew what his reaction would be; like all the other idols, we still had our Dating Restriction and when Hakyeon had dated Minah (for like two weeks) the president had forgiven him, but now that it was a person of the same sex and one of the most famous groups in Korea? When I, being in the same company, was part of it?

“Good night guys, or should I say morning?” he glanced at his watch and chuckled trying to be reassuring. I immediately stood up and bowed in 9- degrees, Hakyeon also did as much as he could from his bed “yes, good morning, because it’s five am” he added and was silent for a few seconds, while I kept my bow “so…?”

“If it’s going to be any consequences, then all those consequences should be mine” Hakyeon spoke, speaking to the floor “I’m the one with the…problem…”

“Hakyeon, Hakyeon...” he said, clicking his tongue “have I said you’re in trouble? Did I ever told you that being gay was a problem” we both raised our heads and to our surprise he had a slight smile on his lips “I’m not bothered for the fact that you’re gay, that both of you are gay.” he corrected himself “what bothers me is the fact that you didn’t had the confidence to tell me, I thought that I was doing something good so you could trust me in such things.”

“I’m so sorry” Hakyeon bowed again from his bead “I’m really sorry…I was just…scared, I didn’t knew...I mean, I know how hard and dangerous is this and I also know that the whole company will be affected by this.”

“Stop thinking like that. Right know you’re some kind of hero, you and Ryeowook are almost like heroes” We both frowned, not understanding what he meant “OK, imagine this, you’re on the other side of the coin, you see that it was another idol group that had this love quarrel and now you’re the one who’s reading the news, what would you think after reading that two idols came out of the closet?”

“That maybe I can do it now since I have seen the reaction of the fans” Hakyeon answered after thinking it for a while.

“Exactly!” the President exclaimed with rejoice “of course there are the fans that didn’t accepted it, but what can we do about it? It’s a minority; many of them are begging for us to not be harsh on you and to let you continue with the comeback as it’s planned; they are also saying thanks to I don’t know who because their NEO it’s real; others are intrigued of how that love triangle was made and so” he now frowned “it seems that Lee Soo Man used all his money and influence to hide the profanities Ryeowook said, but that benefits us all. No one know who is the bad guy on this history.” after saying that he looked at us somewhat hard and we shrugged again “No guys, I’m not angry, I must say I’m quite surprised, specially coming from you, Taekwoon” I felt the blush on my cheeks “but, Hakyeon, I’m really to say this but no one really dig up when you dated Minah” he gave a warm laugh “besides, do you remember that in all practice rooms are security cameras?” we both opened our eyes so big I thought that they were going to pop out and the warmth on my body increased “I’m not going to scold you, guys. I don’t know if you plan on having a relationship, but as everything seems to indicate that you will I’ll have to start preparing our statements and I’m telling you this just once” he pointed at us with one finger “no secret sex in my company or the dorms, alright? I have to keep the innocence, or whatever is left in the other four” and after sighing deeply he got out.

X

X

X

"... SM Ent hasn’t mentioned anything about the alleged relationship between VIXX’s leader, N and Ryeowook, just that they saw each other for no longer than three months and decided to not keep dating as the hard schedules of both groups and that Ryeowook is going to enlist next year to his obligatory military service. Furthermore, Jellyfish Ent. Has confirmed that N and Leo are actually dating, they stated that the both members of the “Concept idol band” started dating very recently but had feelings for each other since their training times. The company has asked the fans to be supportive and respect their decisions and give them the privacy they deserve, the same as the other couples.” Ravi finished reading. Thank God after a week of the incident and my new relationship I only felt a slight heat on my ears “well…it went better than I expected.”

“For the others, not for us” Hyuk said “now we had to handle this two lovebirds”  he sat by force between Hakyeon and I who were just holding hands meanwhile waiting to out interview in Kiss The Radio.  

“Oh! It's Ryeowook hyung!” Ken said after the known figure passed through the hallway “I thought that he wouldn’t be longer in the program.”

“Apparently there is still sometime left for his contract to expire” Hakyeon mentioned, his lips turning into a thin line.

“And yesterday I was thinking that we hadn’t had an awkward interview” Hongbin sighed “I mean, if you don’t count that quick interview when Ravi confessed his love for porn” he added quickly when he realized he had spoken out loud.

“This doesn’t have to be uncomfortable, boys” Ryeowook said, entering the room and we all stand up for courtesy “I hope you’re doing well, the program is about to start and I think that you have the script so you know how will be the dynamics of this interview, right?” there was a general murmur of assent. I was really surprised on how he was able to act naturally, like if nothing had happened “Taekwoon, do you think we could talk for a bit before the program begins?” all turned to see me, expectantly.

“Sure, why not” I accepted, somewhat confused and I followed him to another room.

“Listen, this is more uncomfortable for me than it is for you” Ryeowook bluntly began “I'm sorry, I’m really sorry...”

“It's not me the one you have to apologize to” I interrupted him “and if we’re on the subject already, then…I am sorry, it’s my fault, I ruined something precious to you and apologizing is the least I can do.”

“I know that I have to apologize to Hakyeon, but I still can’t, you know?” he smiled bitterly “I still love him so much and I’m still unable to see him face to face, but…we both know I’m not the person he should be with” he sat in one of the chairs around the table in that room “I acted like an asshole, I don’t expect you could understand me, but…”

“You were angry and hurt, I understand perfectly” I said bitterly, remembering the first day Hakyeon hadn’t come home to sleep  to  day in which he had been the first night he had not come to sleep in the bedroom to be with hand spent the night with him. That day I also said things without thinking and I had hurt him, and I said all those things in the heat of the moment.

“What made me open my eyes and realize that you were the right person for him was when you ran towards him immediately when he fainted. Hakyeon was right, in the end, you have always been there for him, you have been everything for him in his whole life, you are the only person to know him so well and so does him to you; I suppose that’s why you reacted so fast, he didn’t even touched the ground when you were already running towards him” he sighed once more and sniffed “If you could hear how he talks about you, you’re his whole word, Taekwoon, you mean so much to him and…my happiness is his happiness, if he’s happy with you then I can’t do anything more than move away.”

“You also are special for him” I cleared my throat so I could remove that annoying know “you were is savior in a world full of responsibilities and hiding and secrets, you were his best friend when I couldn’t be there for him when he needed me the most. He appreciates you and he loves you” I shrugged “it’ll be a pity if you leave his life just like that, and also the children admire you and they respect you, it wouldn’t be fair if, just because of a childish problem, their relationship with one of the seniors they adore is broken.” 

“I need to get away, even for a brief time” he stood up after seeing his wrist watch “we both know that I need to stop loving Hakyeon and distance is the best remedy” I nodded and he also did it, frowning as if he was thinking something “one more thing before we go to the program” he reached into his pockets and pulled out a small black box “I was thinking on giving this to Hakyeon on our first anniversary, it’s a waste throwing this and it’s quite expensive so…I think the only person that can give this a good use is you.”

Somewhat confused I opened the box, although I was already imagining what was inside that box. Inside there was the most beautiful male engagement ring: it was white gold and it was decorated with a thin line of tiny diamonds that made the ring shone beautifully. It let me speechless, I could just stare at the ring and to Ryeowook alternatively not knowing what to say; he just shrugged, unable to speak for the tears that threatened to leave the prison of his eyes once more.

It was my fault that the heart of the man standing in front of me had been broken into pieces, the actions we had done by mere selfishness could cause him an immense repudiation towards love and even still he was handing me the person he loved more than anything in the world, even he was giving me for free the engagement ring that he had imagined, perhaps very eager, to put on the ring finger of Hakyeon’s left hand, making a promise of true and eternal love.

It is said that every day you learn something new and that day I understood something about love, true love wasn’t what dramas and movies pictured, in those the couples are always happy after a few moments of struggling, but they never pictured this kind of true love, the kind of love when you let the person you love go with someone else because you know their happiness won’t me with you. Love is to give, love is to wish the happiness of the other person at all cost, even when you’re not the correct person.

X

X

X

Hakyeon POV

_How often we tried_

_To find a reason_

_To take steps away_

_Of saying goodbye._

_How often we disguised_

_Routine as love_

_And we forgot that it killed_

_Our heart bit by bit._

_It would stay in the past_

_Every place where I loved you_

 

_And why would we keep adding_

_Colors to a grey sky?_

_If everything is dark now_

_We have to keep moving on_

_You better let go of my hand_

_There’s nothing else to pretend_

_Our history is over and I finally understood_

_That I was so wrong,_

_You were not for me_

_I was not for you._

 

_How do we light up again_

_What has been turned off already?_

_If we lost our talent_

_Of making our hearts jump._

_And you’re going now_

_There’s nothing else to do_

_It won’t be anymore_

_What it used to be_

 

_And why would we keep adding_

_Colors to a grey sky?_

_If everything is dark now_

_We have to keep moving on_

_You better let go of my hand_

_There’s nothing else to pretend_

_Our history is over and I finally understood_

_That I was so wrong,_

_You were not for me_

_I was not for you._

 

As much as I wanted to avoid it the tears ended up rolling down my cheeks after listening to the tenth time Ryeowook’s voice through the radio with the single that was so successful. The story behind this touching song didn’t seem to be so secret and maybe that contributed for its success, but for that reason I could not help but shed tears like an idiot after a year and half to that…accident, even when I was the boyfriend…I mean, fiancé of the most wonderful and loving person –not wanting to mention how a great lover he was-. I suppose that with some time I would stop feeling guilty with that song.

I slapped my cheek and stood up from the couch where I had spent the last two hours reading a book and listening to music. I had to rest all I could in our little holidays before we started the rough work again, I had two more dramas and more MCing programs to come in the next month so I had to practically hibernate to be rested and willing to work again.

I stretched out and yawned, I needed to bother a bit the person who was sharing with me the nice apartment in which we lived after the company decided that we were old enough to live alone if that was what we wanted, it wasn’t as luxurious as the one that Ravi brought, nor Leo or I had the benefits or writing half of the songs of the company and being paid for it.

I was able to listen to the calm melody Leo was playing on the piano and his soft voice mumbling the lyrics to it. I shook my head laughing and grabbed a drink to take to my dear Mozart. He couldn’t handle that Ravi had more success than him in writing and that every song he wrote was rejected for being way too melancholic and depressing. Not even being engaged to the happiest person in the whole company seemed to help.

“How do you pretend that your brain would work if you don’t have some breaks once in a while or go find things for inspiration?” I asked once I got into the music room, laughing at the disaster of discarded sheets and his hair disheveled by all the times he had run a hand through them in despair.

“Inspiration?” he wondered, casting a sidelong glance “you know what kind of inspiration you give me?” he arched an eyebrow, making me sit on his lap.

“Happy songs about beams of light illuminating the face of the earth and stuff and cats ruling the world, right?” I laughed foolishly and took a look at the notebook he had opened in the desk, it was full of scratches “well…well… Jung Poker Face Taekwoon writing Ravi’s worthy songs” I laughed again, feeling suddenly very hot. When was the last time I had some kind of intimacy with him? Ah, right! Yesterday. I needed my dose of him. “ _Come here, let yourself go, let that body get loose. Don’t think it twice, just come to me. Follow your heart and surrender to me, open your legs and wrap me in them, let me show you what true love is”_ I read, feeling hotter than before and a tingling sensation began when he _accidentally_ rubbed his lips again the skin of my neck.

“If Ryeowook hyung was so successful with a song based on real life, I guess I can also have some success if I take that as a point of reference” He shrugged and, as if he wasn’t planning something, began caressing my thighs.

“And I guess you want me to inspire your muses now, right?” I asked in a playfully way, standing up and stretching my arms so a small portion of the skin on my new abs were revealed, just like I knew it drove him crazy.

“I could use some of your…oral skills…” he said with a deep voice, his eyes already in flames and I was sure that if I looked down I could see his demi hardened cock “You always inspire my muses, Hakyeon, you inspire so many things in me” he confessed huskily, also standing up and our mouths joined in one of those hot kisses that only he could give me. “I love you, a lot…Hakyeon” he mentioned against my lips, his breathing starting to stir at the heat of our bodies.

X

X

X

Ten years later

“Taekwoon?” I asked at the dark room, calling my husband in the middle of the night as I woke up and realized that his body was not there. A lighting lit the large room and I stood up, willing to find where my husband had gone at three o’clock in the morning in the middle of a big storm, but knowing the recent events I already had an idea.

I put on the fluffy sleepers that were at the foot of my bed and started my journey in the dark, I went out the main bedroom and headed towards the room across the hallway from ours, where I could already hear his calm voice talking in soft whispers.

“... And until then your dad finally decided to say he loved me” I heard when I opened the door decorated with pink ribbons. Taekwoon was sitting on a rocking chair, a little bump wrapped in a warm blanket in his chest, he rocked the chair occasionally by pushing with the tip of his bare foot.

“I can’t believe that you’re telling her that story already” I said, crossing my arms and feeling how that image warmed up my heart. I couldn’t be luckier. Taekwoon with kids was always a very cute image “we have adopted her barely two days ago, wait at least a month.”

“Byeol couldn’t sleep, so I thought in a bedtime story but as I still don’t know any…this story was the one that pop up into my mind” he shrugged, adjusting the tiny baby that slept in his chest.

“But I can’t sleep if I don’t have my handsome husband by my side” I said with a pout and he laughed softly.

Yes, that’s what we had become. In a normal marriage, well without mentioning that we both had penises and that we were idols.

I was thirty five years old by now and VIXX was still a trend, VIXX was still famous, VIXX was still going for more years. We were already recognized for many years as such, not only as a group of idols with dark or sexual concepts but as truly artist as we had actors, producers and songwriters between us. We just weren’t anymore the group with the first openly gay members, but we were now a group of seniors that the youngest respected and admired just as we admired Shinhwa or DBSK in our time, now the new generations said they wanted to be just like us and that made us quite proud.

“Have you heard from Ryeowook lately?” Taekwoon wondered after leaving Byeol on her crib, hugging me to return to our room.

“Yes, still in the Honeymoon, I think they’re in Sweden now” I replied, lacing my fingers with his. Ryeowook had taken some time to find someone stable, but I was glad when he told me he found a person, he was a SuJu’s stylist and, just like Taekwoon and me, they had been together almost since the beginning “you’re not going to be jealous, are you?” I asked him, looking at him as I knew that his expression always changed when I mentioned my ex.

“No, he is your friend and he is, perhaps, the reason of why we’re together now and married and with a daughter” he said yawning openly and lying on the bed, I just chuckled at his tiny jealous fit “by the way, Wonshik invited us to his Open House party, again…” he rolled his eyes.

“Is it much bigger than the last one?” I asked, sighing.

“Yes, much bigger than the previous one and way more expensive” he laughed “I’m sorry that I don’t get that much from copyrights, I’m sorry I can’t give what you want and you deserve” he added “but I like the house as we have it. I mean he has a big house, but for what? He’s alone…I don’t  know if he’s planning on having a girlfriend anytime soon but…I get to share my house with the greatest husband and my beautiful daughter.”

“And I can’t ask for more. And our house is pretty big too and we’re in a rich neighborhood” I said, hugging him tight.

“Oh, and Hyuk also told me that we need to take Byeol, he said that he’s going to baby sit her” he rolled his eyes again “I think that we just leave her there and we come back home to spend some time…alone. It seems like they only want her in the house.”

“We’ve been with the baby for two days and you want to separate from her” I clicked my tongue “I can’t believe it”

“I don’t want to separate from her side, at all” he said giving me a slight flick on my head “I love her so much, I know she’s adopted but she’s what I’ve always wanted and all babies deserve the same love and believe when I say that I do love her so much”

“More than me?” I asked as if it was nothing but he laughed out loud.

“What? Now you're the one who is jealous?”

“No, I'm not jealous” I said, giving hitting him with a nearby cushion “I also love her too, and I love that I can give you the family you always wanted.”

“I said something like that when I realized that if you weren’t going to be in my plan of that family,” he said and kissed my lips. So many years of being together and I still got goose bumps every time we kissed “If you weren’t going to be part of that family I wasn’t going to want anything with anyone. Only with you.”

THE AND

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all! THANK YOU FOR READING!!!   
> Thank you for bearing with me, thank you for giving this opportunity a chance, let's not let Neo die!!
> 
> I always love to hear from you and see you in my next works!! I still have in mind a nurse Hakyeon/Doctor Taekwoon with a past bullying experience, homophobic Wonsik and closeted-gay Leo. Still tring to figure out everything so I can give you only the best of the best! 
> 
> Again, thanks a lot for reading!   
> Marie <3   
> P.S the Song is a really bad translation of a Mexican song called "Tu no eras para mi" by Carlos Rivera. It's pretty sad actually ;.; if you understand the language you DEFINETLY have to give it a try!

**Author's Note:**

> Oh Taekwoon, you're just so bad with feelings.  
> thanks a lot for reading!  
> I really hope this story is one of those you love and can't wait for the author to update.  
> Lucky for you this is an already finished story, so I will be publishing Saturdays. Please keep up! And thank you in advance for all those kudos, hits and comments!  
> I always enjoy a good comment and always make sure to answer you!  
> Really, thanks a lot for giving this a try, and sorry for any mistakes as english is not my first language.


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